My meditation was very intense this morning because I took my car in for service. Nothing can start the stress meter like a visit to the mechanic. I can’t help but feel there is a rip-off taking place, but I’m not a mechanic myself, so I can’t be 100% certain.
I refuse to let these things ruin my day. I will endure, survive, and prosper in the long term. The key to my own mental health and well-being is to be the rock in the stream and let the trouble flow around and over me without moving me.
The meditation session today ended with this quote from Jimi Hendrix. He knew what he was talking about. He brought forth such incredible music because he learned to listen to his inner voice.
I’m still getting in tune with my own inner voice. Not the angry one, I’ve listened to that one far too much in the past. I’m searching for that calm inner voice that will lead me to peace and tranquillity in my life and mind.
Saturday was a cold, damp, and all-around miserable day here. We didn’t leave the apartment at all. My sinuses were killing me with congestion and either sneezing or blowing out great gobs of crap when I blew my nose. Things got to the point where I used oxygen for the first time in weeks, other than sleeping. It helps keep my nasal passages open so I can breathe.
I was sitting in my chair, inhaling oxygen, and I remembered not that long ago when just doing this simple task exhausted me. I’ve come a long way, but I know I’m still fragile.
For some reason, I’ve had flashbacks over the last few days about my time in the hospital. I hope this isn’t a precursor of things to come. I’m monitoring my health as best I can, and I’ve been concerned over the last few days that something isn’t quite right. I’m examining my legs and feet daily, and I asked Hal to do so as well. I’m afraid that my kidney function might be decreasing again. I have an appointment with the urologist later in June, but if things go wrong, I’ll try to get there as soon as possible.
Something like this doesn’t scare me anymore. I’ve been through too much to let stress kill me now. When Hal came into the living room, the first words out of his mouth were, “Why are you on Oxygen?” followed by “Why didn’t you say something?” I’m lucky to be with Hal. These 21 years are the best in my life, and I want a lot more years with Hal.
I’m almost afraid to write this blog post. It is a very sensitive subject for me to discuss here, but I do know that therapy stresses writing to get my feelings out in the open.
My recovery from last fall’s hospital stays has been excellent, according to my doctors. COPD means I’ll never be a runner. I won’t play tennis or basketball anytime soon. Compared with my condition last December, I have made significant progress, but that progress has slowed down almost to the point of not improving anymore at all.
Is my current condition the highest plateau I can reach? Part of me screams “No!” but my rational side says this is probably true. I still get dizzy when I have to bend over for more than a second or two. I feel like I’m running out of breath very quickly. Thankfully, I can use meditation and controlled breathing to stop myself from getting into real trouble.
I am only mortal, as are we all. I recognize that I’m closer to the end than the beginning. I see the world going straight to hell, and there’s nothing I can do about it. Stupid people want to argue, and I don’t have the stamina for that anymore.
If what I feel now is my new apex, I want to spend a lot of time here before I start the inevitable downhill slide. I am currently focused on the quality of my life more than ever before.
Since I came home from the hospital in December, I’ve really cut back on the amount of TV that I watch. It wasn’t a deliberate decision, at least it wasn’t a decision I consciously made, but I’m glad it has happened.
TV is an opiate of the masses, just like religion. Watching the news is completely unbearable. Opinions have replaced facts. Stupidity has replaced Truth. I was never a fan of the media before, but now I have zero interest in watching them. I can READ to learn about what is going on in the world.
I still watch some sports, and the occasional Tern Titans Go! every now and then, but that about sums up my viewing.
I feel better overall without TV. I find myself spending more time writing and reading and listening to music, all of which give me more pleasure than TV. I can’t imagine a scenario where I would knowingly agree to just watch more TV again. Peace of mind is too valuable.
“Everything will be okay in the end. If it’s not okay, it’s not the end.”
— John Lennon
Another John Lennon quote that inspires me. The message is so simple, yet we find it almost impossible to put into practice. The emphasis is that things change and that we always feel that something must be addressed. This is called life.
Letting others dictate your value is a very self-destructive process. We are constantly bombarded with messages to be like someone else rather than be our own best person. When we reach adulthood, many of us find that we have no distinct identity because we were forced to emulate someone else.
Since I rededicated myself to meditation, I’ve noticed subtle changes, even after only a few days. I cope with things differently, and I’m learning not to react to any little thing by immediately ramping up to level 10 instantly.
I know that I feel better and less stressed out. I am still focused on sleeping better, and that is improving. As I get more rest, I find more energy to focus positively on myself and those around me.
It’s never too late to start meditating. The benefits are tremendous.