First Real Post of 2021

We made it through 2020! I’ve never had a year that was as completely fucked up as 2020 was. I hope that 2021 will at least offer some slight improvement for us all.

My sense of optimism has returned with this New Year, at least for the first few hours. I must admit that I went to bed immediately after midnight and a few kisses from Hal because the need to start the association from 2020 was so strong.

Now, at 0500, I’m awake, and I’ll soon be taking a shower to greet 2021 properly. I’m thankful to report that I’m feeling good, with no shortness of breath. Of course, I want 2021 to be a much better year in terms of my physical health and well-being. I want to avoid any trips to the hospital in the New Year.

I hope that everyone, except for republiKKKans and Nazis, will have a great year. Those two groups can all leave the planet and die as far as I care. They tried to destroy this country, and we must remain on guard against them in the future.

I have to pull out one of the laptops or Chromebooks to continue writing this post so I won’t be guilty of breaking the one pseudo resolution I made myself for 2021. Just as soon as I resolve to get out of this ultra-comfy bed this morning, I’ll get right on that.

I am glad to report that my creative and writing juices are flowing without interruption right now, and it is a welcome change because my love of writing never went away. It suffered at times as the overall awfulness of 2020 just sapped the strength out of me. I don’t miss that feeling at all.

Overall, I am delighted to welcome you in 2021. Let’s hope it lives up to the promise of being better than 2020, which, after all, is a very low expectation of meeting.


Wednesday 30 DEC 20

Today I will be pushing for 2500 steps as I continue to work myself back into better physical shape. Today marks the two-week anniversary of coming home from the hospital.

I was so damn weak when I got home. The only thing that I could do was to wrap myself in blankets and sit in the chair in the living room. I could barely stand up without almost falling over. It was impossible to do anything without Hal’s help. I was utterly dependent upon him for everything.

Eventually, I felt my strength begin to return, and my appetite slowly emerged. I had lost more than 20 pounds in the hospital, and that had weakened me more than I realized. It was nearly a week before I had the strength to stand in the shower to clean myself properly and feel clean again.

Hal put me on a sensible plan to recover from all of the issues. The project seemed relatively weak at first, but I quickly found out that I was in worse shape than I thought. The modest goals were achievable without exhausting myself. Getting too tired every day would just have discouraged me and slowed my progress, if not dropped altogether.

I wasn’t even allowed outside the apartment until the end of the first week. Even then, I was only allowed to walk to the car and start the engine to make sure it would work. I went to my appointments with Hal via Uber. Hal let me drive to the grocery store and wait for him in the parking lot a few days ago. Now I am allowed to make short trips on my own because I am stronger than I was before.

The real way I can measure my progress is my step count. In two weeks, I am up to 2500 steps per day and feeling great. I will try for 3000 steps as my next goal. Ultimately, I want to reach 10,000 steps per day. I will get there eventually.

I can’t stress emo that none of this would have happened without Hal. He is my soulmate and my partner on this journey through life. In fact, in just one week we will celebrate our 21st anniversary.

I tell Hal every day how much I live him and how lucky I am to have him in my life.

Tuesday update

As I prepare to start Tuesday here at home, there are several things that I want to take care of. First of all, I want to walk this morning for exercise. I’m going to try and get back into shape as safely as possible. I’m going to browse for some new comfortable walking shoes later today. I don’t have a lot to spend, but I do want to take care of my feet.

I am not working today because I’m fighting the system to get approval for short-term disability. If I go back to work now, I’ll look be surrendering my chances to qualify for short-term disability unless I am hospitalized again. I definitely don’t want that. Therefore, I’m not returning to work this week as I go through o all of my follow-up medical appointments. I’ll submit all the paperwork after those visits and hope for the best.

I don’t miss work yet. I’m not sure when I will, honestly. I just know that I do need time to recover from all that I’ve gone through recently. I also know that work stress doesn’t help at all.

I decided against shopping for shoes today because that would violate my deliberate plan to avoid crowds of people. I can always order some shoes online and return them if they don’t work out for me. I just want some comfortable hiking shoes so I can start exercising again.

One last thing that is sort of related involves our new method for getting groceries. Placing an order and then picking things up curbside at the store is working out better than planned because it makes us plan more deliberately for what we need rather than just run into the store without a clue. Definitely a win for us.

Dreamer’s World July 08, 2018 – Enjoying The G.I.F.T.

    Sunday is here. I am still taking the antibiotics for tonsillitis, and my throat feels closer to normal this morning. I just dropped Hal off at work, and now I am back home deciding what to do with the rest of the day, other than taking care of laundry and getting back into the daily writing routine. I am probably taking another day off work tomorrow to make sure that I feel 100% before I go back. Even though I work from home, I don’t need to spend lots of time talking on the phone until my throat is completely healed.
    I was thinking back to last week, other than feeling like shit, and I found something interesting had happened. I wasn’t trying to stay online or write all the time because I wanted to have a real vacation. Even after tonsillitis kicked in, I found that I was simply finding other things to do with my time. I thought of this time away as a gift I had received. That started my mind wondering about things like that, and I realized that I could write an anagram of sorts to describe it.
    G.I.F.T. Stands for Gaining Independence From Technology. This was what I was experiencing through last week. I was spending more time with Hal since I wasn’t at work, and I felt such a sense of peace and calm, even as tonsillitis started wrecking plans that we had. Although I didn’t get any time in with guitar practice, I didn’t feel any sense of guilt about it. The time for just being quiet and living was wonderful. The only way it could have been better would have been NOT to have tonsillitis.
    I have written in the past about breaking away from the tyranny of social media such as Facebook and Twitter. I knew at the time that I was going to be better off as a result, and last week proved it. I wasn’t constantly checking online to see whatever mindless garbage I was missing out on. My news intake has decreased dramatically, but I feel much more informed because I am no longer living within the echo chamber. Looking back, this was a gradual process that has produced positive results for me in my life.
    I wish that I could win the lottery, or break the bank at a casino. Then I could totally divorce myself from the daily rat race that requires me to work and make money that others instantly demand in return. It is a nice dream to have, but I cannot let the seduction lessen my focus on the here and how. I will just enjoy the peace and quiet that I have been basking in and hope that I continue to feel better.

Dreamer’s World July 07, 2018 – Back On My Feet (Almost)

    My week off has been interesting, to say the least. I had a really bad sore throat that I couldn’t shake. I gargled with salt water, and it only gave me temporary relief. After the second day, I realized that there was something really wrong, so I scheduled a visit with my doctor, but that had to wait until Friday of my week off. Therefore, I remained miserable for the week that was my vacation.
    When I got to the doctor on Friday morning, tests quickly confirmed that I did not have strep, but that I did have viral tonsillitis. What a way to spend my vacation! The doctor told me sine it was viral in nature that the old remedy of removing the tonsils wasn’t an option. Therefore, I had to start taking antibiotics yesterday, and they are working. My throat feels much better, although my overall mood remains down because of the wasted time. I am coughing more now than I did for the last several days, and this is because my throat is no longer as sore. I hope that this is also clearing out the crap from my throat.
Plans to do things with Hal had to be canceled due to my illness, but Hal didn’t mind. He helped me through the days when I was in agony, and I love him for caring like that. Hal has had to work both weekends sandwiched around my time off, so right now he is at work, and I will pick him up later this afternoon. I am grateful that my illness didn’t prevent me from driving because that would have adversely affected him since he cannot drive due to his vision. We did go out a few times because I simply refused to stay cooped up during my time off work. Because the antibiotics worked so quickly, I am going to get something for lunch while Hal is at work.
    I will see about going back to work on Monday morning. I have already contacted my supervisor and let her know the situation as of Friday, and everything depends on how well I feel on Monday morning. I suspect that if my throat isn’t sore and I can talk on the phone, that I will just go ahead and work since I work from home anyway. Obvuiously, feeling like shit cost me several days of guitar practice. I will have to get back into the routine again soon so I can continue to improve.
    I hope that the next time I schedule a week off that nothing like this happens again.

Dreamer’s World June 26, 2018 -Where Have The Years Gone?

    I got word from family yesterday that my cousin came through her surgery with flying colors. She will know the results of the biopsy in a few days, and, at the tender young age of 87, she will stay in the hospital for about a week before going home. I hope that there is good news when the lab results come back, but I am a realist, and I know that cancer attacks people who have never been in high-risk groups such as my cousin. It is an evil and indiscriminate killer.
    Thinking about my cousin having surgery days after turning 87 has me thinking about where time goes once we experience it? I can clearly see in my mind the visits to her when I was a child. She is 33 years older than I am, this is the result of being the offspring of the youngest of my Dad’s clan of 11 kids. It seems that an entire generation skipped when it comes to my cousins. All of them are much older than I am.
    I remember getting to know her, and she was already an adult, teaching at an elementary school. We were never close like most cousins due to the age differential, but we shared a bond because Mom and Dad had helped to raise her in the years long before I was born. In fact, Mom and Dad helped her to attend college at Austin Peay State University in Clarksville, TN and get a start on her own life. Therefore, she has always seen me as special because of the kindness that my parents showed to her when she was a little girl and a young woman.
    When my Dad died in 1981, she was there to comfort me, but I could see that she was just as upset as I was. We ended up comforting each other. When Mom died in 2001, she was there once again. She feels like a much closer relative than just a cousin who is 33 years older than I am.
    She has her own children and grandchildren now, and they are all wonderful people who care about her more than I can because they are much closer. It doesn’t diminish the bond that we share. My life took me away from western Kentucky many years ago, and I have done well for myself. I still think about her on a regular basis, and she was so relieved when I called her on her birthday.
    I am relieved that the surgery was successful. I will be waiting to hear from her kids about how things turn out and when she might be going home from the hospital. If she indicates that she wants to see me, I will take time off and travel to visit her, but I don’t want to be a burden on her or her family. Her children are all older than I am, and it has been many years since we last saw each other. This is the generational gap that I mentioned before on full display.
    Cancer is a killer, Time is ruthless. Each will have its way, and there isn’t much we can do to change either of them. I will keep her in my thoughts and get on with my life and hope that I will be as well-remembered when I reach the age of 87.

Dreamer’s World June 25, 2018 – Contrasting Emotions

    I start this week with contrasting emotions. Part of me is anxious as my cousin goes in for surgery to remove a malignant tumor. She is 87 years young, and when I spoke to her, she said that she is resigned to whatever the results turn out to be. She said that she will not have additional surgery even if that is what the doctors want. I understand her decision, and I respect it, but I know that things will run their course whether I worry about them or not. Knowing that she is at peace with her own decision makes things easier. She goes in for surgery this afternoon, and I should hear something by this evening about her recovery from the procedure.
    At the same time, I am looking forward to the end of this week because next week I am taking a stay-cation with Hal and The Stooges. I need the time away from work to clear my head and recharge my inner battery. I have not made any definite plans for that time, I certainly have a trip to see my cousin in the back of my mind, but the cost of such a trip is outrageous because there is no major airport within an easy driving distance. It is stunning how much having to fly to a smaller airport changes the cost of a trip, and even then I would have to rent a car and travel close to 100 miles just to get to her.
    Therefore, I will only think of things to do that are close to home for my time away from work. Unfortunately, Hal’s schedule will not change during the time that I am taking off from work. Hal has his priorities, and I have mine. Eventually, we will manage to take a long vacation together. I will be very excited when that finally happens.

Dreamer’s World June 22, 2018 – A Warning From History

    A wise man once said that those who fail to learn the lessons of history are doomed to repeat them, and he was right. Our country is experiencing this lesson right now.
    We have a Nazi in the White House. He didn’t get there via a coup d’etat. He got there through an allegedly fair election, although that remains very much in doubt. I say this because Hitler was also elected.
    We have a Nazi in the White House. He is busy implementing the platform of the Nazi party in the US as I write this.
    It isn’t simply the Nazi in the White House, it is the Nazis in positions of authority (republiKKKans), and those who support them that are complicit in this tragedy.
Taken from, and edited to reflect the Nazi in the White House:
    Point 1: Only those who are patriotic enough to support this Nazi in the White House are real Americans.
    Point 2: Scrapping any and all treaties that the Nazi in the White House disagrees with, even though the US has always attempted to honor its treaty obligations.
    Point 3: The elimination of public lands that have been preserved for the benefit and enjoyment of all Americans for generations. Also, the destruction of policies and organizations designed to protect the environment.
    Point 4: A new requirement for “citizenship” based on political loyalty to the Nazi in the White House. This is especially true along racial and ethnic lines. All others, non-whites, and women, LGBTQ, are of no concern and can be treated unfairly without fear of repercussion from the government.
    Point 5: Identification of all “foreigners” based on the warped qualities listed above. This is to allow for persecution by identifying them as a separate but unequal class.
    Point 6: Voter suppression to allow the Nazis in the White House to maintain power using the veil of fake legitimacy.
    Point 7: The nation will provide for those who agree with it, others are subject to expulsion.
    Point 8: No further immigration. Foreigners must be expelled immediately.
    Point 9: A restructuring of the educational system to emphasize loyalty to the Nazis in the White House over all else.
    Point 10: A policy that English is the only language that can be used in the US.
    To read these points in the original document, it took literally no effort to update them to reflect what the US is facing today with a Nazi in the White House.
    My father fought against the Nazis for this country in WWII. I am glad that he isn’t alive to see that the Nazis are finally on the verge of victory here because the sheep cannot see that the abattoir is the ultimate destination. This country has willingly surrendered to the Nazis, and it makes me sick.

Dreamer’s World June 21, 2018 – Digging A Hole

    After I finished my first blog post today, I started wondering about how the awful effects of having a Nazi in the White House might affect us. One thing really startled me.
    RWNJ lunatics like to point out that people who come to this country should be restricted because they could be enemies or terrorists. This is a valid point, and should not be underestimated. However, putting children in concentration camps might be the worst thing that we could do. These people coming here are in search of a better life for themselves and their children. Treating them like subhumans, and treating their children like criminals might have the effect of creating more enemies and terrorists than we already face.
    We don’t need more enemies unless you subscribe to the RWNJ Nazi view of the world that anyone who disagrees with you, or looks different than you, or comes from another country or ethnic background is already a threat. I refute that point of view, we need more love in this world and not more hatred. Sadly, the Nazi in the White House seems hellbent on making new enemies whenever and wherever he can.
    RWNJ and the Nazi in the White House are our biggest threats to our security.

Dreamer’s World June 21, 2018 – What Have We Become?

        Since today is the longest day of the year, it only seems right to direct the maximum light onto this country and ask “What In The FUCK Is Wrong With Us?”
    The news is filled with stories of people hating each other publicly. We have opened a Pandora’s Box of dangerous emotion and hatred ever since the RWNJ fringe came to power in this country. The Nazi in the White House has been leading the charge of these hate-filled fanatics and shows no sign of slowing down. I find it hard to believe that there are so many hate-filled people in this country. They are the first to claim how much they love this nation, but they are also the first to show how little they understand it.
The US was founded by immigrants, but today the followers of the Nazi in the White House would gladly promote genocide if their idiot leader told them that is what he wanted. Their hatred doesn’t stop there, of course.
Any minority is the subject of their wrath
because they sadly believe that only people as stupid and truly disgusting as they are should live here. Every day, we find another example of some racist RWNJ caught on video showing their hatred for other people. Racial hate crimes are increasing, but since the Nazi in the White House thinks Nazis are “very fine people,” they proceed without fear of condemnation or punishment.
The fact that RWNJ oppose most hate-crime legislation shows their true colors to the rest of us. I have to believe that there are more of us who love each other than there are of those who just hate everyone. My faith in this is tested each and every day.
A musician and a college football coach post racist things online, and it hardly raises an eyebrow anymore. This is the same pathetic response we have to mass killings. These things happen so frequently that we just accept them as normal and move on with our lives. They are NOT NORMAL, and we SHOULD RESIST with all of our strength.
The LGBTQ community feels the hatred from the RWNJ on a daily basis. The progress towards equality is being rolled back on the tidal wave of hatred.
Children are put into concentration camps because of the background of their parents, and there is outrage, but nothing will result from that outrage. The RWNJ know that this will become the new normal very soon. It is part of their plan to turn this nation into the 4th Reich, led by the Naxi in the White House.