Dreamer’s World May 13, 2018 – Thanks, Mom

      Mother’s Day is upon us once again. Mom is no longer here, she died 17 years ago. I will soon have spent a third of my life without her, but I still remember and love her.
    I remember the times when I told her that I would never forget her. I remember the times when she told me that I was going to be awesome when I grew up. I remember the home-cooked meals that I can never replicate.
    I remember the arguments that I always lost. I remember the hugs. I remember the celebrations after baseball games when I did well. I remember the things that she taught me.
    I remember the times when she was a room mother in elementary school. I remember that the other kids in class thought the world of her. I remember how she hugged each and every child just like she did to me.
    I remember her saying that there wasn’t enough love in the world, unless we made it ourselves. I remember her telling me that I should never look down on anyone, and that looking up to someone was something that they had to earn, it wasn’t freely given.
    I remember her voice on the phone when I went away to college and then on to the Navy. I remember worrying about her being alone since Dad had already died when I was in high school.
    I remember how she always made me feel loved and made the house feel like a home to anyone who came to the door.
     I remember her on her deathbed. I remember telling her that if she had to go, that I would be fine. I remember holding her hand and watching her fade away.
 
    I remember. I will never forget.
 
Happy Mother’s Day, Mom

Dreamer’s World May 13, 2018 – Thanks, Mom

      Mother’s Day is upon us once again. Mom is no longer here, she died 17 years ago. I will soon have spent a third of my life without her, but I still remember and love her.
    I remember the times when I told her that I would never forget her. I remember the times when she told me that I was going to be awesome when I grew up. I remember the home-cooked meals that I can never replicate.
    I remember the arguments that I always lost. I remember the hugs. I remember the celebrations after baseball games when I did well. I remember the things that she taught me.
    I remember the times when she was a room mother in elementary school. I remember that the other kids in class thought the world of her. I remember how she hugged each and every child just like she did to me.
    I remember her saying that there wasn’t enough love in the world, unless we made it ourselves. I remember her telling me that I should never look down on anyone, and that looking up to someone was something that they had to earn, it wasn’t freely given.
    I remember her voice on the phone when I went away to college and then on to the Navy. I remember worrying about her being alone since Dad had already died when I was in high school.
    I remember how she always made me feel loved and made the house feel like a home to anyone who came to the door.
     I remember her on her deathbed. I remember telling her that if she had to go, that I would be fine. I remember holding her hand and watching her fade away.
 
    I remember. I will never forget.
 
Happy Mother’s Day, Mom

Dreamer’s World February 13, 2018 – A Cynic’s View Of Valentine’s Day

    Tomorrow is Valentine’s Day. That means the day when people run around looking for a gift that symbolizes love to that special someone in their life. At least that is the commercially accepted version of how things work. In reality, people are running around trying to find a special card or gift that somehow demonstrates that we accept the notion that the lack of a card or gift tomorrow indicates that we just don’t give a shit about that person we supposedly love. The only people who will end up happy are those who will make money off of the holiday. A card or gift signifies nothing if the other 364 days of the year haven’t already demonstrated love and passion for someone else. If a person can be so shallow as to believe that the lack of a gift or card means a lack of love, then I question if that person deserves the attention in the first place.
    I am a passionate person. I wear my love on my sleeve, and I rarely make any attempt to hide it. I am lucky to have Hal in my life, and I let him know this every day. We share the same feeling about Valentine’s Day. For us, celebrating our love is a daily occurrence. I have never been happier, and it has nothing to do with exchanging cards or gifts. To imply that our love needs an annual marker to celebrate cheapens what we work for all year long.
    Valentine’s Day has become a sad caricature of what it proclaims itself to represent.  People now suffer from loneliness and depression on this holiday, just like every other holiday when they don’t fit into the preconceived notion of what everyone should be. People are conditioned to feel that they are defective or incomplete on Valentine’s Day unless they are participating in some approved ritual. The day is made to isolate those who are not in relationships. It shuns them and discards their feelings in the pursuit of profits just like every other major holiday. There is a deep psychological pattern to this. Those who are “normal” are rewarded for following the herd in the pursuit of corporate greed and mass media approval. Those who cannot or do not participate are seen as malcontents or defective in some way. Is this approach supposed to demonstrate love?
    If you choose to give a card or gift to someone tomorrow, make sure that it is what you want to do and not what you have to do. Make sure that you celebrate the love in your life every day as if Valentine’s Day never existed.

Dreamer’s World January 20, 2018 – My Birthday And The Best Gift Ever

    The big day is here at last! Today, I am 54 years old. I don’t feel any older, but the calendar indicates that I have to acknowledge another year has passed in my life. Time always has its way with us, no matter how we measure it.
I reflect on this day. I see vaguely into my past and never thought about what it would be like to be 54 years old. It always seemed that things like this were sometime in the far distant future, and yet here I sit writing about it as it is happening to me. I am not sad about this birthday; it signals that I have made it through another year.
    Today also marks a milestone in my relationship with Hal. Since we just celebrated our 18th anniversary two weeks ago, I realize that I have been with Hal for 1/3 of my life. Knowing this comforts me more than anything else. I don’t know where I would be without Hal. I don’t know if I would still be alive without Hal. He is the most wonderful gift that I ever received.
    When I thought of my 36th birthday in 2000, I was in a tough spot in my life. I had just met Hal, but there was no real indication that our relationship would last this long. I had my hopes that it would, tempered with a huge dose of cynicism about relationships in general. I remember drinking heavily to escape the loneliness that I felt at that time. For the first months of our time together, I felt like I needed alcohol to deal with the inevitable breakup that was bound to happen.
    Something strange took place inside of me. I began to feel positive emotions again. I started to see opportunities rather than obstacles in my life. I began to be comfortable in my own skin, and my confidence returned. This was the confidence that came from within and not the false bravado that I wore like a shield for so long. I dared to feel happy and calm and relaxed. I accepted that someone loved me for who I was.
    By the summer of 2000, I was a different and better man. I had stopped continually drinking without ever noticing it. Hal never bugged me about it. I was changing because I wanted to, not because I was forced. My unconscious choice to stop drinking saved my life, and I thank Hal. I found the joy of living again and have never let it go.
The years since then have been fantastic and empowering for me. Hal and I have gone through rough times, but we have never given up on one another. He is my soulmate.
    Today I am 54 years old. Today I am here because of love and friendship from the most important person in the world.

Dreamer’s World January 20, 2018 – My Birthday And The Best Gift Ever

    The big day is here at last! Today, I am 54 years old. I don’t feel any older, but the calendar indicates that I have to acknowledge another year has passed in my life. Time always has its way with us, no matter how we measure it.
I reflect on this day. I see vaguely into my past and never thought about what it would be like to be 54 years old. It always seemed that things like this were sometime in the far distant future, and yet here I sit writing about it as it is happening to me. I am not sad about this birthday; it signals that I have made it through another year.
    Today also marks a milestone in my relationship with Hal. Since we just celebrated our 18th anniversary two weeks ago, I realize that I have been with Hal for 1/3 of my life. Knowing this comforts me more than anything else. I don’t know where I would be without Hal. I don’t know if I would still be alive without Hal. He is the most wonderful gift that I ever received.
    When I thought of my 36th birthday in 2000, I was in a tough spot in my life. I had just met Hal, but there was no real indication that our relationship would last this long. I had my hopes that it would, tempered with a huge dose of cynicism about relationships in general. I remember drinking heavily to escape the loneliness that I felt at that time. For the first months of our time together, I felt like I needed alcohol to deal with the inevitable breakup that was bound to happen.
    Something strange took place inside of me. I began to feel positive emotions again. I started to see opportunities rather than obstacles in my life. I began to be comfortable in my own skin, and my confidence returned. This was the confidence that came from within and not the false bravado that I wore like a shield for so long. I dared to feel happy and calm and relaxed. I accepted that someone loved me for who I was.
    By the summer of 2000, I was a different and better man. I had stopped continually drinking without ever noticing it. Hal never bugged me about it. I was changing because I wanted to, not because I was forced. My unconscious choice to stop drinking saved my life, and I thank Hal. I found the joy of living again and have never let it go.
The years since then have been fantastic and empowering for me. Hal and I have gone through rough times, but we have never given up on one another. He is my soulmate.
    Today I am 54 years old. Today I am here because of love and friendship from the most important person in the world.

Dreamer’s World January 19, 2018 – The Last Day of 53


    I am delighted to report that I finally got a good night of sleep last night. I don’t know how much longer I could have gone on without real sleep. I suppose that there is some significance since tomorrow is my birthday and I will turn 54 years old. I don’t feel any older yet, but I know that I would have without sleep.
    Since Hal has to work tomorrow on my birthday, I am not expecting much regarding a celebration. I am not feeling deprived because of that. If Hal takes me to dinner this evening or over the weekend that will be more than enough to make me feel special. The celebrations aren’t necessary. In fact, I never had the typical birthday party as a child. I have been genuinely shocked in the past when someone remembered my birthday, to be honest.
    I approach tomorrow with optimism. I know that I am loved by those who matter the most to me, and that is the most wonderful gift that I can receive.

Dreamer’s World January 15, 2018 – A Great Man

Today we honor a man who died struggling for his ideals, the Reverend Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. I was only a small child when Dr. King was assassinated in 1968. I remember my parents talking about him in later years as a man who was taken from us too soon. I think that Dr. King would be an invaluable voice today. We need someone like him to serve as our conscience in these troubled times as the ugly spectre of racism has stepped out boldly into plain sight.
Dr. King demonstrated that a single voice can affect great change for the better, sadly we now have the voice of hatred pulling our country in the opposite direction. Dr. King taught us how to bring out the best in humanity, how to build bridges to connect us rather than walls to divide us. Dr. King cared about the least among us, and worked to elevate them in their own eyes, and in the eyes of society at large. There are so few voices out there today that offer us the same hope for a better future for everyone, and not for just the privileged few.
Dr. King taught us that love will triumph over hate. It really seems hard to grasp when we look at the world today, but I still believe in what he said. We always will struggle against those who choose the easy option of hating others. What matters is that his message becomes the prevalent view in our society n order for us to move forward. We must educate each generation about what Dr King taught to us or his dream will slowly die. Like a flower, his message requires our constant care and attention in order to take root and grow. The threats are all around us, and they become more violent and brazen every single day. We need to care about each other more. We need to value the basic human dignity in all of us. We need to focus less on judging a person by their wealth, and more on their needs.
I don’t believe we can make true progress until we practice those things in our daily lives so often that we never think about them. We all have this choice to make. I choose to look once again to Dr. King, and his message of Hope and Brotherhood on this day, and every other day.

Note taken on January 15, 2018 at 05:36AM

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