Dreamer’s World July 07, 2018 – Back On My Feet (Almost)

    My week off has been interesting, to say the least. I had a really bad sore throat that I couldn’t shake. I gargled with salt water, and it only gave me temporary relief. After the second day, I realized that there was something really wrong, so I scheduled a visit with my doctor, but that had to wait until Friday of my week off. Therefore, I remained miserable for the week that was my vacation.
    When I got to the doctor on Friday morning, tests quickly confirmed that I did not have strep, but that I did have viral tonsillitis. What a way to spend my vacation! The doctor told me sine it was viral in nature that the old remedy of removing the tonsils wasn’t an option. Therefore, I had to start taking antibiotics yesterday, and they are working. My throat feels much better, although my overall mood remains down because of the wasted time. I am coughing more now than I did for the last several days, and this is because my throat is no longer as sore. I hope that this is also clearing out the crap from my throat.
Plans to do things with Hal had to be canceled due to my illness, but Hal didn’t mind. He helped me through the days when I was in agony, and I love him for caring like that. Hal has had to work both weekends sandwiched around my time off, so right now he is at work, and I will pick him up later this afternoon. I am grateful that my illness didn’t prevent me from driving because that would have adversely affected him since he cannot drive due to his vision. We did go out a few times because I simply refused to stay cooped up during my time off work. Because the antibiotics worked so quickly, I am going to get something for lunch while Hal is at work.
    I will see about going back to work on Monday morning. I have already contacted my supervisor and let her know the situation as of Friday, and everything depends on how well I feel on Monday morning. I suspect that if my throat isn’t sore and I can talk on the phone, that I will just go ahead and work since I work from home anyway. Obvuiously, feeling like shit cost me several days of guitar practice. I will have to get back into the routine again soon so I can continue to improve.
    I hope that the next time I schedule a week off that nothing like this happens again.

Dreamer’s World May 03, 2018 – Uncertainty

    This page has been blank all day. Inspiration is not coming easily. Days like this make writing seem more like a job and less like the thing that I love. It is frustrating, to be sure, but it also forces me to find something and then focus on it to get myself going.
    Clearing my mind is easier said than done. With all of the normal events happening around me, it is hard to filter out the noise. Phone calls and emails are constantly demanding my attention. I have to keep my attention on these things because I have to pay the bills, but at the same time, I resent them for intruding on my own writing.
    As I get started, I find myself experiencing a type of out-of-body feeling because I seem to become more detached from the routine. I find myself reaching out to find that grand topic to write about. The one that is screaming for attention is my friend and his wife.
    I wrote something about this yesterday. I have not been able to reach my friend, he is not answering calls or returning texts. Not that I have constantly bombarded him with either of the two, but I know that things must be going badly and that he has enough on his mind without my adding to his burden.
    I said yesterday that I remain somewhat detached from the struggle in order to assist my friend if needed. This is the difficult time with my theory. As Tom Petty sang “The Waiting is the Hardest Part”, and that is very true in a situation like this. I want to know what is happening, but I won’t interject myself into the situation.
    I feel for my friend and his wife. I hope that she isn’t in terrible pain. For all I know, she could have already passed on. I hate to think that way, but it would explain the lack of response. If that is the case, my course of action is still to wait until I hear something before acting.
    Maybe this hesitation and uncertainty is why I had such a block with writing today. Putting the words onto the screen seems to have cured the writer’s block that I felt when I started this post. Writing is therapy for me.

Dreamer’s World May 03, 2018 – Uncertainty

    This page has been blank all day. Inspiration is not coming easily. Days like this make writing seem more like a job and less like the thing that I love. It is frustrating, to be sure, but it also forces me to find something and then focus on it to get myself going.
    Clearing my mind is easier said than done. With all of the normal events happening around me, it is hard to filter out the noise. Phone calls and emails are constantly demanding my attention. I have to keep my attention on these things because I have to pay the bills, but at the same time, I resent them for intruding on my own writing.
    As I get started, I find myself experiencing a type of out-of-body feeling because I seem to become more detached from the routine. I find myself reaching out to find that grand topic to write about. The one that is screaming for attention is my friend and his wife.
    I wrote something about this yesterday. I have not been able to reach my friend, he is not answering calls or returning texts. Not that I have constantly bombarded him with either of the two, but I know that things must be going badly and that he has enough on his mind without my adding to his burden.
    I said yesterday that I remain somewhat detached from the struggle in order to assist my friend if needed. This is the difficult time with my theory. As Tom Petty sang “The Waiting is the Hardest Part”, and that is very true in a situation like this. I want to know what is happening, but I won’t interject myself into the situation.
    I feel for my friend and his wife. I hope that she isn’t in terrible pain. For all I know, she could have already passed on. I hate to think that way, but it would explain the lack of response. If that is the case, my course of action is still to wait until I hear something before acting.
    Maybe this hesitation and uncertainty is why I had such a block with writing today. Putting the words onto the screen seems to have cured the writer’s block that I felt when I started this post. Writing is therapy for me.

Dreamer’s World May 02, 2018 – Dealing With Grief

    My heart is heavy today. A good friend is struggling with his wife and her deteriorating health right now. She has inoperable cancer, and things are not looking good at all. I am trying to keep focused on things that are going on here, but my mind is obviously on them. I have been through personal loss many times, but it seems to hurt more when it is someone close that is losing a loved one. It is always difficult to judge exactly how to respond to them in their time of need.
    My first impulse is to go and be there with them, but that isn’t always appropriate. There are family members and other friends who are already involved, and the last thing that they need is another person hovering around trying to help. Situations like that usually end up causing hurt feelings on many sides because it often turns into a contest to show who cares the most.
    I have called and left a message of support. I think that is all I can do for now. I will play the part of the escape friend, the one that they can turn to when the situation becomes unbearable. I know from experience that people have to take a break from things that are stressful and sad, else they will go crazy. If my friend needs to talk, I will be here for him. If his wife is able to talk, I am here for her.
    I know that some will find this approach seemingly cold and heartless, but I know that this is something necessary. If I am not called to be there, it isn’t my place to show up unannounced, and it isn’t my job to invite myself there “to help out.” There is no perfect answer or course of action in cases like this.
    I will struggle with some doubts about how I respond, but I am writing this down to serve as a reminder that there is no right answer. Time will take care of itself, and so will we.
    When my friend Donald died in an accident 3 years ago, I hurt like hell, but I was far away and could not immediately rush there to be with his wife. We talked on the phone several times, and she finally told me that having someone to talk to who was removed from the immediate situation saved her sanity. That was a lesson as I think about what is going on today.