I’m still working my way gingerly around the news from my kidney doctor that dialysis is in my future. My kidney disease has steadily gotten worse over the last two years, and my kidney function has shown a corresponding decrease over the same time.
Getting older is bad enough, but having my body steadily falling apart just makes things even harder to adjust to and accept. When I can focus my mind, I feel like I’m 25 years younger. However, when I try to get into action, reality sets in rather abruptly.
There’s no set time for me to start dialysis. The decision will be made based on my medical results, and discussions with my doctor.
Mortality is leaning over my shoulder as I write this, chuckling softly to himself because he knows that he wins in the long term. My goal is to live the best life I can until Death finally collects me.
One of the things that I like the most about the new apartment is the light that comes in early in the morning. This is the first place that we have lived for many years that faces towards the north and east, which gives us more light in the morning. Because we are in a corner unit, we do have two sides of windows in the living room that really capture all available light during the day.
This wonderful way to wake up has really made me appreciate the new place even more than before. For the first week, everything was still too hectic to sit back and gaze in wonder at this place. This morning, I watched four ducks paddle across the serene lake outside the balcony and marveled at the sense of calm that came over me. There was nothing like this in the old apartment, we looked out over the parking lot, and the daylight was behind the building. This meant that all we saw was blinding light in the afternoon and cars going back and forth in the parking lot all day and night. This is much better.
It is amazing how such simple things can affect one’s outlook on life. This move was stressful, but it will be worth it for us in the long term. We both are looking forward to being here for many years.