Unfortunately, today started with a dreadful sensation that I will call “Return of the Migraine”. I felt the early symptoms of the headache when I woke up, so I immediately took a hot shower and let the steam warm me even more. Sadly, the pain didn’t go away, although it did not get any worse. That was the case for about an hour before I realized that the pain was getting worse again and there seemed to be no limit to when it would stop. This pain was different, not only the back of my head, but down my neck. It started out as a dull ache and then the crescendo built to a major throbbing pain.
I only hope that this will not continue after work, and that the weekend will be peaceful and pain-free. Once again, I will be trying to do nothing more than sleep after work.
Today started out like a ton of bricks falling on my head, one brick at a time. It was one of those times when every little thing went wrong, and the repercussions just added to the confusion until I wanted to throw the computer out of the window and just move to a deserted island. We all have days like that, but I honestly cannot think of anyone who actually enjoys them.
I am physically running out of time in the day trying to keep all the balls juggling in the air and not falling to the floor. It seems that people take some perverse pleasure in finding the slightest imperfection and just jumping all over it right now. If I worked in an office I would probably have stuffed the bodies into the coffee maker by now.
The second danger that we are facing now is Racism. I have been with my partner Hal, who is black, for more than 20 years, and in that time, I have learned a lot about how he sees the world as a black man. The things that he has seen in his life are frightening to think about for me. As a white man, I grew up with privilege that I never realized I had. To me, the local police were people I could put my trust in, especially in a small townh. I never thought that the black children I grew up with could have such a completely different view of the world, but after being with Hal, and then talking to some of the people I grew up with, I now know that the feelings of fear and distrust did exist even when I was a child.
Those fears and feelings were never shared with me growing up because those feelings are deeply held in the black community. The common perception is that no white outsider can ever appreciate those feelings, that they would be called irrational or ridiculous. I never knowingly felt that way towards my friends, but I never realized that those feelings were being hidden from me either. My parents taught me as best they could to respect everyone, and to never look down on anyone. I am glad that those friends I had growing up never associated me personally with any of the problems that they encountered, but I wish that I had known about those problems so I could have helped to overcome them.
As the number of murders committed by the police continue to grow, it becomes apparent that the real problem is ignorance. Pretending that this is a recent phenomenon completely proves the very point that my childhood friends, and Hal, have taught me. The problem has been around for over 400 years and is deeply rooted in our society. Slavery might have been outlawed, but the repercussions remain to this very day. White society has the remarkable ability to filter out unpleasant things and pretend that things are completely fine, unless the problems affect white society. This willful choice to be ignorant is a huge part of the problem.
I am proud to be part of the #BLM movement, but I can never speak for those directly affected. I can only speak from the perspective of a white man who is woke and proud of it. I choose to not be ignorant, because ignorance is killing us, all of us. To be silent is to be complicit.
Every day, we read more about how the glorification if ignorance, in fact, pride in ignorance, is killing us. The refusal to acknowledge that we are still in the midst of a pandemic seems an alien idea to so many people. I fine it impossible how leaders and everyday people can simply ignore the facts and try to pretend that nothing is going on. They want to believe that the pandemic is over, and that everything can go back to normal. The tragic mistake is that this pandemic is far from over. In some frantic rush to “reopen” everything, elected leaders, mostly republiKKKans, have thrown public health, scientific data, and common sense out of the window. Even the proven preventative measures of social distancing and wearing a mask are now seen as political issues rather than public health issues.
The number of COVID cases continues to rise, especially in the more socially and politically conservative areas of the nation, but there is no alarm among those people. In fact, they will grab their guns (as if a gun will protect them from the virus) and demand that their “rights” supersede those of everyone else. They feel that wearing a mask is an affront to their liberty, when in fact, it is a proven means of protecting their lives, and the lives of those around them.
Every time that Hal and I go to the grocery store, we are amazed at how many people simply do not wear masks at all. Especially disturbing are the parents who refuse to wear masks and also do not have their children wear them. As an adult, the parent has the “right” to gamble with their own health, but these people are willing to play with the children’s health as well.
There is a total lack of leadership in this country as the #DumbShitOrangeNazi prepares to hold more of his Nazi rallies, blatantly ignoring the advice of public health experts, but at the same time, forcing his sycophantic followers to sign away their own rights to legal recourse should they contract COVID-19 as a result of attending these rallies and inhaling the aroma of hate and ignorance.
Public health experts try to alert us that this pandemic is only in its early phase right now, but too many people simply don’t want to listen. As a result, the predicted of fatalities continues to rise. In other countries where science is the leading factor, rather than succumbing to ignorance, there is real progress in reducing the pandemic among their populations. Sadly, we are ruled by people who worship ignorance, and it is killing us.
I have not been writing as much as I want over the last few weeks. I have felt under the weather, but not sick. Things seem to be stuck in neutral for me and I can’t seem to get things moving right now. I wish I could provide a better description, but that is all I can do right now.
My yoga has stopped because of the nagging aches and pains and the insomnia that has left me extremely tired every day. Right now as the workday winds down, all I want is to take a nice, long, hot shower and then crawl into bed. But first, I have to check with Hal to see if he needs to go anywhere. If so, that will happen first because he is worth the effort.
At least this workweek is now 20% over. I hope that I get some energy back this week, I am tired of feeling tired.