Writer’s Block and Perspective

September is the month when we start to say goodbye to Summer and welcome to Autumn. This week feels like the transition period around here. When I saw the forecast for this evening, I was surprised. Lows in the 50s suddenly replace overnight lows in the 70s. The temperature change will be quite a shock to many, including myself. 

It also serves as a reminder that life, and time, go on regardless of what we desire. Each year we grow older and notice things more because we see time differently than we did when we were younger. Some would make a poetic remark about entering the Autumn of Life. I don’t think that is necessary. Even though I am older and just out of the hospital, I refuse to give up my desire to live. I just appreciate things more as time goes by.

I have written about Writer’s Block and what a struggle that is to overcome. I also wrote about perspectives and how we need to take time to stop and look at things from a different perspective to get a real understanding of things. I see these words, and I know that it is time to begin writing another post about perspectives. Everyday things cloud my vision, and I lose sight of the bigger picture. It is time to sit down and retake a good look at things.

Writer’s Block

     Writer’s block is a nightmare. Like being stuck in quicksand and unable to free yourself or pull yourself out of the situation, struggling against it only makes it worse. 

     Ideas fly around you, just out of reach, but you can’t reach them because you’re trapped. The effort to get out of the quicksand is exhausting and never seems to produce any progress or reward. 

     Writing should be a joy, a means to communicate with the world around you, but at times like this, that seems impossible. You cannot see everyone else that is being crushed by writer’s block because your own perspective is warped by the writer’s block that directly affects you. 

     The only solution I have found is just to keep fighting. Eventually, I break free of the quicksand and start writing again. There’s no timetable and no guarantees that I won’t fall right back into the quicksand, but I just keep going. For every post I publish, there are at least three that were started and then abandoned. 

Overcoming writer’s block is just part of being a writer. Something that only the creative mind can understand on a deeper level. I’ll emerge from this stronger than before, I know.

Recovery

I keep trying to find time to write, but things are still rather hectic around here. I got out of the hospital last Friday, and I am still trying to get caught up with things here as I resume work this week.

I am on oxygen here at home now and will be for the foreseeable future as I try to get my breathing back under control and my endurance. Going back to work has just added to the list of things that I am dealing with this week. Several times I have toyed with the idea of calling in again. Tempting as that sounds, it would only add to the problems later because I need to hold onto as much personal time as I can.

I am not getting exhausted as often as before, and that is a good thing. The shortness of breath is nowhere near as bad as it was before I went to the hospital. I still find myself tired at the strangest times, so I always have the oxygen nearby if I need a quick hit.

One advantage is that I have stopped vaping. It has been over a week since my last vape. I had Hal throw everything out while I was in the hospital, so I wouldn’t be tempted when I get back home. So far, the need to breathe has outweighed the need for a vape, and I believe that I have stopped for good.

The Stooges have been incredible since I got home. Hal The Cat has resumed his guard duty when I go to bed. He snuggles up to me and wakes me when he senses something is wrong. Jax will visit during the night, and Stevie Nicks checks on me during the day when she isn’t all over Hal (person).

I have been catching up with things since I got home. Hal (person) depends on me to get him around, so I am always making sure that he has all of his needs met before I surrender to exhaustion at the end of the day. I have to take him to the dentist after work this afternoon. It shouldn’t be a long visit since he is just having his new dentures checked for a proper fit. If he needs to go anywhere else, I will take him there as well.

I just wanted to get this entry written so I won’t feel the pressure of not writing anything. I will do my best to take time and compose something meaningful very soon.

I’m awake. I don’t care, because I’m awake in my own bed for the first time in nearly a week. I’ve had two of The Stooges curled up against me during the night, and it’s been wonderful.

I got home around 1400 yesterday afternoon. One of the first things that happened was a phone call from the home oxygen supply store. They came by later in the afternoon to give me the home set up for oxygen generation. So far, I feel pretty good using oxygen here at home. With luck, I’ll be able to reduce the amount of time that I need to be on oxygen as my lung capacity recovers.

The things that were routine are now different. I’m not being awakened several times in the middle of the night for vitals, but I still found myself awake at 0300, right on schedule, as if the nurse was about to come into my bedroom and wake me up. Im more than happy to deal with this adjustment in exchange for being home at last.

Great News

I just got the best news! I was laying here in my hospital bed, basically wishing I could sleep more, when the night nurse told me that I’m going home today!!! Apparently, the extra day here was to make certain that a portable oxygen concentrator would be here for me to take home. That is worth the wait rather than lugging an oxygen tank home with me. When that piece of equipment is finally ready, I will be discharged, probably tomorrow afternoon.

I wish there was someone here, besides the nurse, to share the great news with. Hal is at home sleeping, and I’m not going to bother him right now. We’ll talk in a few hours anyway. I lol let him sleep. Hopefully, I can catch a little sleep before the wake up here starts the daily routine all over again.

Going Home Today?

I sincerely hope that tonight is my last night in the hospital. The shortness of breath seems to have been identified as COPD. The last round of tests proves was hard I’ll need some oxygen when I go home. The oxygen generator is up to the insurance company.

I was looking forward to being released yesterday, but apparently things are still being finalized, and I’m comfortable with that because I want everything all wrapped up when I do leave. I’ve been here since Monday, and Hal has visited every single day. What I really want is to be at home. Time will tell.

02 September-Looking Ahead

I’m slowly making my way through another day in the hospital. If things work out as planned, I might be going home tomorrow afternoon. I don’t want to jinx things, so I’ll just say that I’m hopeful. Today has been quiet, apparently all of the tests were done yesterday and today has basically involved me talking with doctors in between meals and naps.

There is one test that remains and that’s the stress test. I won’t have any caffeine after dinner until the stress test is complete. The only problem is that no one has any idea about when I’ll actually take the test. Who thinks of ideas like “Let’s give someone a stress test without allowing them any caffeine?” Obviously, that person is a Sadist.

I think that this is the quietest time since I’ve been in the hospital. It makes for a nice change, that’s for sure. I’m waiting patiently for Hal to visit later this afternoon or evening. I miss him more than I can ever truly say. Every visit from him is too short. I also miss The Stooges and want to hug them soon.

Without a doubt, the first thing I want to do after greeting everyone at home will be to take a nice, long, hot shower. I’m not able to shower here with all the sensors on my chest, and I feel awful and gross. It seems strange that something can’t be done to allow for a shower while I’m here. I’m not complaining much, everyone here has been wonderful to me since I walked in the door.

It seems like I’m definitely getting closer to a discharge tomorrow. I was just visited by one of the hospital case workers, and she gave me a list of the doctors who practice in conjunction with this hospital. This will make finding a new primary care physician much easier. I’ll let Hal know about the list as well when he gets here.

That about sums things up for me now. I’ll write more this evening or tomorrow.

Starting 02 September in the Hospital

I’m slowly getting used to the hospital routine. Having someone wake me up multiple times during the night when I finally succeed in going to sleep is my new normal routine. I completed my first full day in the hospital, and I’m not certain that there isn’t a point on my body that hasn’t been poked, prodded, or tested.

I’m not really complaining, just trying to record my memories and impressions of things as they speed past. I’m grateful that I’m not sedated to the point of not noticing anything around me, and also grateful for the care that I’m being given. I can’t say enough positive things about the staff here, they have been excellent to me all through this ordeal.

Im not sure what the second day of September has in store for me. The adventure continues. My shortness of breath is still somewhat of a mystery. Probable causes are being eliminated one by one as each new test is completed. Blood clots seem to have been ruled out as a cause. COPD is the newest front runner candidate as far as I know. I am still on oxygen, and it was also found that the blood pressure medication I’ve been taking was just plain ineffective. A change to that resulted in my blood pressure dropping 40 points back into the normal range.

I already told the doctors that I’m perfectly willing to change any other medication that I take in order to get things better.

September is here

     As soon as I hit “publish “ on my last blog post, it struck me that now I have all the time in the world to write. Sleep remains elusive so writing is great therapy for me. 

     The first thing I want to do is let everyone know that my COVID-19 test was negative, and I’m extremely grateful for that. I want no part of COVID-19 now or ever.

     I’ve managed to get a few short periods of sleep tonight, sandwiched around all of the scheduled blood pressure checks ( who does this at 0300?) so I’m slowly feeling better. My night nurse told me that they suspect a small blood clot in one of my lungs, but the doctors will figure out more later during the day today. 

     I did receive a wonderful comment from someone I’ve followed on here forever. Kind words do wonders at a time like this. I desperately miss Hal and The Stooges right now, but at least Hal will be visiting later during the day.

September is here.