Category Archives: Reflection

It’s 0400

It’s 0400 on Friday and I woke up with my sinuses packed. Naturally, the nose spray that always helps me is still securely hidden in the mountain of boxes that must still be unpacked after the move. It is easy to feel sorry for myself, but I’m trying to stay optimistic since Hal, The Stooges and I are embarking on the next adventure in our life together.

This picture is overly optimistic, the place is still crammed with boxes and bags. We did manage to make a path for the cable guy who is supposed to be here today, as well as the new furniture items we purchased before the move. Thankfully, I took time off work to help with this madness so Hal doesn’t have to shoulder the burden all by himself.

The new apartment is much larger than our old one. It is also $500 cheaper per month. The trade off is that we’re much further away from DC now, but I don’t have to fight the commute anyway. I can still catch a train into DC when I have to go. Since I’ve been working from home for years, this isn’t a big deal to me.

In the interest of keeping it real, this is another view from the couch as I’m writing this on my iPhone. Only a few of the boxes are empty. We will be busy today but not as rushed as yesterday.

There are so many things that go through my mind at 0400. Why can’t I get back to sleep? Where is my sinus nasal spray? Why didn’t I inventory and index things when I packed them to make it easier to find things? That last one I’ll try to remember for our next move.

Stevie Nicks seems remotely interested in me as I’m writing this. I’m glad that The Stooges have all adjusted well to the new place. Stevie Nicks and Hal The Cat were fine on the hour + drive here today, but Jax The Cat was upset and talked loudly the entire time. To be fair, this was the first time that Jax has moved with us so we expected him to be nervous.

It’s 0400 and I’m looking forward to a new day. Everyone stay safe.

Leave a comment

Crisis Doesn’t Change Some Things

There is an old saying that difficult times bring out the best in people. I believe this is true in the general sense, but for some people, a crisis like we are facing makes no difference at all to them. My extended family is a shining example of the latter scenario.

For most of my life, I’ve known that my extended family on my Mom’s side are some rather unpleasant pieces of work. Long story, but Mom was orphaned as a child and wasn’t found by her older siblings until she was well into adulthood. The result is that there has never been a true familial bond. Mom was always the “outsider” and my Dad and myself were shunned as well.

You cannot miss what you never had. This is true in regards to a close relationship with my extended family. There is no surprise at all when I naively attempted to reach out to them last week to see if they were doin ok with the Coronavirus situation. Not surprisingly, I’ve had no response from any of them. I officially give up on them. They have no regard for, nor interest in me. I’m done trying to be the nice one. I don’t wish them I’ll, I simply just don’t care anymore.

This decision wasn’t arrived at in a hurry, or with any rush to judgement. I hoped that facing this common adversary called Coronavirus might enable us to finally connect and start to build some bridges over the chasms that have separated us for our entire lives. We know that each other exists, but that will remain the extent of our contact from this day forward.

I say all of this calmly and without emotion because there has never been a time to feel bad about the situation, at least in my life. I can’t miss what I never had.

Leave a comment

Being Myself

There are times when the best advice never seems to fit the situation. “Happiness is being Yourself” seems like such wonderful advice, but who are we? Who am I?

Am I the person who takes the time to sit and write about what is on my mind? Obviously this person filters an awful lot of things through before writing them down. Isn’t being myself supposed to be about spontaneity and spur of the moment things?

Am I the product of my environment? Or do I shape the things around me? Am I defined by my work? These are deep questions that spring to mind when I see something simple like Snoopy And The Gang. Perhaps the psychiatric help for 5 cents isn’t such a bad deal after all?

Leave a comment

Haven’t We Been Through This Before??

I’ve seen all of this before. The same shitty plot line and the same shitty attack scenarios. The same anointing of the corporate candidate who simply cannot lose.

I’ve seen all of this before. The undying attacks to keep the candidate that the people care about and want. The constant attacks against those who support this candidate. The tragedy is that all of this is coming from the same side. The Orange Nazi and his Christi-Fascists don’t have to worry about destroying their opposition because the corporate democrats are all too happy to do it for them.

I’ve seen all of this before. The corporate media will follow the dictates of their corporate masters and participate in the attacks and attempts to destroy the candidate they cannot control. The voice of the people will be drowned out by the deafening noise to promote the lame ass corporate candidate. Interestingly, without that industrial corporate noise machine, their candidate is usually greeted with a wall of silence.

I’ve seen all of this before. The candidate of the people will be pushed away. The voice of the people will be ignored. And yet, the corporate masters will still flood us with requests for money. This business model is straight out of “Goodfellas“. When the corporate candidate cannot deliver the election, we all know that the people’s candidate and his supporters will be blamed. I’ve seen all of this before.

Leave a comment

Journal – What I am Proud Of

I was stumped this morning and struggling to find a topic to write about when I decided to open up my handy

I can always find an inspiration from this book by just randomly going to a page. The topic for today is “What is the Accomplishment I am most proud of?” That is a very easy question for me to answer, but it does deserve some background. After all, this blog is to allow me to explore my desire to write after all.

I grew up an only child, other than my parents there was not a real extended family that was worth wasting time on because the majority were money-grubbing bitches and bastards. Those who weren’t were status-conscious material possession hogs who wanted everyone else to know how well off they were. Mom and Dad taught me about being happy regardless of family or possessions, that inner peace was the key to a good life.

Because my parents were Liberals, there wasn’t much in common I had with the kids I grew up with. I was always the “weird” kid with strange ideas that no one else understood. I wasn’t unhappy at all, I honestly felt badly about my friends who never understood the wonderful keys to life that my parents had given to me.

From an early age, I remember my parents telling me that I should resist the temptation to remain in the small town after I finished high school. In fact, they did their best to provide me a chance to go to college. I was able to get into the outside world and explore new places and new people. Although this was a limited trip to the outside world (Lexington, KY) it seemed that I had moved to New York or Los Angeles. I made new friends and found a few more people who understood life the way I did, although most still remained very traditional in their outlook on life.

I made it through college and then faced the decision about what to do with my life. I wanted to see the world, but since I wasn’t independently wealthy I decided to join the US Navy. Although I had a degree, I chose the enlisted route because my Dad had done the same thing many years before me, although he had been in the Army. I was able to see the world, and I also found that the military had many good traits, but that the structure was too rigid and formalized for me to feel comfortable.

I had never had any real luck in the relationship department. I suppose that my understanding nature drew the wrong types of women to me. Nothing else could possibly explain some of the psychos I dealt with through my late teens into my early 30s. These volatile personalities made long term relationships impossible.

Eventually, as I left the Navy I felt like taking a chance. I started dating men and found that I was much more comfortable. I didn’t have to compromise my inner beliefs and I found more manure than roses for several years, just like with women. Eventually I determined that most gay men were more honest, although not necessarily more trustworthy than women. What I mean by that is that most gay men are upfront about what they are after, there are fewer lies about long-term relationship goals. Just a personal observation.

I would still be in the single gay realm until I met Hal. I was about to turn 36 and I was tired of seeking anything stable or permanent in my life when it came to relationships or romance. Hal changed all that. We just celebrated 20 years together and we have been happy every single day with each other.

We have had arguments, but we have never let them linger overnight. We always talk things out when something bothers us or we are upset. Relationships are hard work, no doubt about it, but I am damn proud of the relationship that Hal and I have. In fact, this relationship is the thing that I am the most proud of in my entire life.

And there you have my first blog post of the day 🙂

1 Comment

Recovery

The week is halfway done. I am still getting over a sinus infection that sidelined me last weekend and wonder how much longer the recovery will take? Haven’t I suffered enough with all the sneezing and not being able to lean my head forward without worrying that my nose will start to leak like a faucet with no washers?

Actually, that last part hasn’t happened since Monday and I don’t want to relive it again. The worn-out feeling persists and I really want to do nothing more after work than take a hot shower and then crawl back into bed. The one advantage is that the meds have helped me to sleep better the last several nights, and there had been no insomnia to bother me.

I know that I am getting older and that any recovery will take longer than it did when I was younger. It seems unfair in a way that as time gets shorter, we need more of it spent on things like recovery rather than adventure.

Leave a comment