Another Sleepless Night

Another Sleepless Night

Insomnia is back again like an uninvited and unwanted guest that I cannot get rid of, hereto torrent me once again. Rather than fight futility and try to sleep, I’ll just write to occupy my time.

The week is almost over, and I hope that the nasty weather will be as well. I was right again this year about Presidents Day weekend when we would have the worst weather.

I want to go to the grocery store later today if the temperature goes above freezing. My cooking has steadily increased, and I’m happy with the results. We’ve saved a lot of money by cooking meals here at home and plan to continue the practice. I am waiting on the new steamer to arrive so I can steam green beans and corb on the cob using just one steamer. I’m also planning to steam crab legs soon.

My sinuses have given me trouble recently and affected my breathing. To avoid risk, I am not doing anything strenuous because I don’t want to end up in the hospital again. The most valuable lesson I have learned is to stay calm and not panic even when I start to feel short of breath. The deep breathing exercises and meditation have helped to master my emotions and reduce any sense of panic.

Regardless of what happens, I’m still the luckiest man in the world because of Hal. If not for him, I know I would be dead now. He saved my life, and that makes me love him, even more every day. The Stooges keep me happy as well with their antics and love, so no matter what other people might think, I am grateful for what I have, rather than envious of what I don’t.

Insomnia can try to beat me down, but I know it will pass. Hal The Cat has arrived to keep me company as I write, and his presence relaxes me. I think I will sleep soon, so I’ll sign off for the night and look forward to Friday.

Doctors visit

Check-up

I went to my primary care doctor Wednesday morning for a scheduled checkup visit.

I am working with the Long Term Disability people to get the payments rolling. I am going to be in Ling-Term Disability through the end of May. I’ll meet with the doctor before then to see what the next step will be.

Things move in their own time, I have to keep working on my recovery and try to be patient. Rushing a process like this will just lead to trouble.

A Change To The Routine

A Change To The Routine

I had a follow-up visit with one of my doctors this morning, but for the first time, it was a virtual visit. One of the staff at the doctor’s office contracted COVID-19, and so all appointments were shifted to virtual if possible. It was a new experience talking to the doctor without being in the same room. This is the new normal.

Another change is this afternoon when I take Hal to his doctor for a check-up. Usually, I’m the one who has to go to the doctor. At least the weather is nice today, although it is rather cold.

I feel ok. I’m still avoiding politics because the subject makes me feel like a relapse to the shit that hospitalized me last year. The stupid fuckers can’t get their act together to help people; they’re only interested in helping themselves. I don’t have the energy to care anymore.

Avoiding politics is the goal I set for myself, and I want to stick to it. My postings are fewer, but that’s because I’m not just reporting every article I find interesting. I need to take time for myself and healing my body and mind.

Headspace 24 JANUARY 2021

I need to get some more Headspace in my life. Starting my day with a short inspirational story and some meditative music is right for me. It lets my mind clear out the clutter and prepare for the new day ahead. The challenge is setting aside the time for Headspace because it is a time-consuming app; there’s no getting around that point.

I can write more freely after watching the daily short story and then starting one of the music playlists. While the music plays, I can write as my mind relaxes and clears. It is a beautiful feeling to embrace the calm and shut out the chaos for a while. Right now, I am listening to a music list called “Kindness.” What a great name to give.

We could all do with more kindness in our lives. We always seem to be focusing on things through anger rather than kindness and love. I am guilty of this mistake, and I have written about overcoming it. It will take time and effort, and concentration, but the inner peace is worth it.

My challenge is to carry through with this effort and not give up. The reward is worth the effort because this affects my sanity and my health. I feel better just listening to the music and letting the words flow out of me. I feel more relaxed than I expected would in the morning. My mood is changing, and I know that it will be a struggle, but I want to make this change in my life.

When I was in the hospital, the nurses and doctors told me that meditation and writing were excellent therapy forms. I can see what they are talking about right now, and I am enjoying myself.

A theme throughout the “Kindness” playlist is water. The sounds of rain or running water are always present. I believe this represents a cleansing or purification of the mind. Letting the unimportant things wash away to leave a clean, pure surface to build the day on is a beautiful image that comes to mind. As I focus on the music, the words come pouring out so effortlessly. It feels incredible and relaxing and refreshing at the same time.

The simple melodies that occur repeat, but not in an annoying way, the pieces keep my mind focused, and then as the songs build and become more complex, it helps my mind open and relaxes me even more.

I just fell into such a wonderful sense of calm. I actually began purging my reading list of some topics that only upset me. I believe this is that proverbial first step on a journey that I am starting this morning, one that I hope will bring me joy, peace, and happiness.