A Really Weird Dream

I had a weird dream that woke me up. I was in a Navy school-type environment, with a mixture of college dorm life has thrown in; at some points, I was in a school barracks/dorm, and at others, I was in a band at the school.

I didn’t fit in at either place. A real-life former Navy friend was somehow continually making trouble for me, ostracizing me from the group to make himself look better, and it seemed that no matter what my talents were, either on the job or musically. Everyone ignored me because I didn’t conform, and I wasn’t popular.

The last thing I remember from the dream was a band trip to play at some stupid trump rally because everyone else supported him. Details weren’t precise, but the band left me on my own to return to the school after being humiliated publicly. I submitted my resignation and left. I felt so alone in that dream.

A lot of this dream resembles real-life experience as far as the settings go. The ostracism didn’t happen, although I later found out that my former friend would sell his mother if it helped him and his career.

I woke up feeling angry and alone. Immediately, I started writing down everything I could remember in my journal. Then I realized my dream would make an interesting blog post as well.

Dreams of lost friends

Old Memories

June is Pride month. For all the good things in my life, I had a dream about an old friend who, to the best of my knowledge, stopped communication when I came out to him and his wife.

He stayed in the Navy after I left at the end of my enlistment. After I came out to him, he said all the right things about friendship and not letting my confession change things.

About a year afterward, he and his wife welcomed their first child, a son, into the world. Hal and I bought the baby a present, a hanging mobile for his crib. We drive to my friend’s house to give them the gift. Their cars were there, but they didn’t answer the door. We figured that the new parents were exhausted, so we left the present on their doorstep.

So far, nothing to indicate a problem. However, over the next few weeks, every attempt to contact my friend and his wife met with silence. Voicemails went unanswered until I gave up. The feeling of rejection really hurt.

Without any contact from my friend, Hal and I were left to figure out what happened on our own. We settled on two possible scenarios.

The first scenario was that my friend was working on getting his commission as an officer (I found out he got it through sources years later), so he decided that having a gay couple as friends would negatively impact his career.

The second scenario is the one that really hurts to think about. That is when their son was born that they suddenly became concerned that somehow Hal or I was a threat to their son. Nothing could be further from the truth, but I can’t control what people choose to believe.

In the long run, none of this matters. I hope he and his family are all doing well. I would rather be forgotten than be remembered as a career impediment or a threat to his family. After 20 years, it is time to stop referring to him as my friend.

Hal and I are still together and better than ever. I hope I never dream about that part of my past again. It isn’t worth it.

I’m proud of who I am. I don’t need to spend time worrying about those who don’t care about me.

Willow

Recently, we lost our cat, Stevie Nicks, to illness. Losing a pet is never easy, especially after 10 years together. I’ll always remember Stevie Nicks for her grace and elegance.

Now, we have a new addition to the family. Willow arrived on Wednesday from the shelter. Apparently, she was part of a large collection of cats from some crazy cat lady. Neighbors reported her and the cats were removed. Willow is between 1-2 years old.

Now The Stooges (latest version) are once again a complete unit. We hope that Willow is with us for many years to come.

Adjusting

Adjusting

Hal (person), myself, and the remaining Stooges, Hal The Cat and Jax, made it through yesterday without Stevie Nicks as part of the family. Jax was distraught because, at his young age, he’s never lost another cat that he was close to. Jax was always the one we’d find washing Stevie Nicks until she got tired of the attention and the play fight would commence.

In the past, when one of our cats has died, we move quickly to find a new one to share our love with. This time is different because of the COVID pandemic. Pet adoption is a much more time-consuming process that makes it more difficult. Eventually, we’ll find another cat to bring into the family.

I used my time yesterday to cook. Spending time in the new kitchen was therapeutic for me. The pain of losing Stevie Nicks is still intense, but I know that it will heal over time. Hal The Cat spent time investigating. Places Stevie Nicks used to lay and sleep in. Occasionally, he would meow as if saying goodbye to her. Jax demanded to be held as often as possible, and Hal (person) did some cleaning to occupy his time.

I’m not sure what Wednesday has in store for us, but we’ll do the best we can and make it through together.

A Painful Day

A Painful Day

Yesterday we had to put Stevie Nicks to sleep. It was incredibly difficult, but she had an inoperable condition that really made the decision for us. I took the pictures on Saturday, when we knew she was feeling bad, but she managed a few of her diva poses to make me look less hideous.

Stevie Nicks had been with us for 11 years. She was always elegant and mysterious, but with a sense of adventure. She never grew much after we adopted her when she was approximately 18 months old. She was a companion to both Maxwell and Spartacus until they passed away. Then, she became the mother figure to Hal The Cat and Jax. Everyone loved Stevie Nicks, she will be missed.