Once I realize that everything changes and that I can not stop it, I find calm, knowing that things are as they should be. Worrying is a waste of life energy.
Day 2 Yoga
To be fair, day 2 is a repeat of day 1. I’ll be doing the introductory program for a week before moving to the next level. There’s no reason for me to push myself so hard that I get discouraged and quit.
The introductory exercises are gentle and formulated to “wake up” muscles that haven’t been used in a long time. Having said that, I feel the stretch that I’ve done the first two days.
Yesterday I finally started yoga again.
I realized that I wasn’t going to feel better unless I did something to get myself moving. I overcame a few obstacles with the yoga app before starting because I didn’t want things messed up with my account.
I feel better after the first day. I know that real change takes time, but at least I’ve taken the first step.
Tonight I joined a group meditation session on the Headspace app. I don’t know what I was expecting, but it was a session just like any other, but there were approximately 45 other people taking part.
The only voice was the group moderator. Like I said, if it weren’t for the other people participating, it would have been just like any other solo meditation. The amazing thing is that as I relaxed and really got into the session, I could sense the presence of the other people. It sounds crazy, but I genuinely felt that I wasn’t alone. It was a wonderful feeling that I hope to experience again.
Next Round of Appointments
Later today, I start my next round of medical appointments. I’m not overtly worried, but there is still some concern about what is going on.
I feel like I’ve hit the wall with my recovery, and might have fallen back somewhat. Recovery is hard work, and very tiring even with the best intentions. My main ailment, breathing, remains limited due to COPD. I know that I might be at the apex of my recovery on this issue and I can only maintain it for so long.
I suppose that is one reason I’m awake in the middle of the night, wondering what the news about my health will be.
I’ve finished with my first appointment, my primary doctor says I’m doing well, and that’s a relief to me. Tomorrow is the pulmonary doctor and another waiting game.
Keeping My Cool
This morning was a real test of my ability to keep from losing my temper. I had to get a replacement windshield on my car, I was under the impression that everything was all set. When the work was completed, I was told that I owed almost $600. The temptation to just go off on those people was strong, but I thought quickly about how long I have fought my own inner struggle to remain calm.
I immediately put my inner brakes on. I did not raise my voice with the receptionist but she knew that I was upset. I think that the calm exterior frightened her more than if I just started screaming.
I caught her in a lie when she said that she had called and told me that insurance was not going to cover the expense. In a cold and calculating voice, I told her that IF she had ever spoken to me and told me that I was going to be charged nearly $600, I would have canceled the appointment and never shown up. She knew that I caught her lying.
I still feel proud of myself for not losing my cool. I haven’t felt the stress and panic type anxiety that I would in the past. The meditation is working.
A New Beginning
I’m starting yoga. Again. I had started practicing about a year ago until I was in the hospital off and on for the last four months of 2020. I was beginning to feel the benefits of yoga, but that ground to a screeching halt.
I have regained as much strength as possible since January, and I feel ready to start my yoga journey again. I’m humble enough to start at the very basic level once again. I will take things slowly, and focus on my technique and doing things right, not just racing through things.
I’m prepared to fail in the first few attempts because my endurance is very low, but I’ll keep after it until I complete the beginner course and then move on to the next course. One of my meditation lessons is all about failing better each time I try something new, because that is how you succeed in the long term.
Last year, I was using the DDPYoga app. For some reason I cannot get it to work this year, so I’m moving to the Glo app. It fills the requirements I need, so I’ll give it a shot. I prefer to start yoga at home by myself before attempting it in a group setting. There is a studio nearby that I can use, but my self-confidence is lacking right now. The last thing I want is to take my out-of-shape self in front of a bunch of other people.
I could certainly use some inspiration from others who are practicing yoga. Tell me your story.
One of the hardest things to learn is to be yourself. The world is full of mindless clones who want you to be just like them; that is the easy way to go through life. It is more difficult and more rewarding to take the advice of Allen Ginsberg and follow your inner moonlight without hiding that unique madness that each of us has. The madness makes us unique; it sets us apart from everyone else.
There has never been anyone quite like you. Make the World realize just how special you are.
Something I learned from my morning meditation that I want to share.
My meditation was very intense this morning because I took my car in for service. Nothing can start the stress meter like a visit to the mechanic. I can’t help but feel there is a rip-off taking place, but I’m not a mechanic myself, so I can’t be 100% certain.
I refuse to let these things ruin my day. I will endure, survive, and prosper in the long term. The key to my own mental health and well-being is to be the rock in the stream and let the trouble flow around and over me without moving me.