Adjusting

Adjusting

Hal (person), myself, and the remaining Stooges, Hal The Cat and Jax, made it through yesterday without Stevie Nicks as part of the family. Jax was distraught because, at his young age, he’s never lost another cat that he was close to. Jax was always the one we’d find washing Stevie Nicks until she got tired of the attention and the play fight would commence.

In the past, when one of our cats has died, we move quickly to find a new one to share our love with. This time is different because of the COVID pandemic. Pet adoption is a much more time-consuming process that makes it more difficult. Eventually, we’ll find another cat to bring into the family.

I used my time yesterday to cook. Spending time in the new kitchen was therapeutic for me. The pain of losing Stevie Nicks is still intense, but I know that it will heal over time. Hal The Cat spent time investigating. Places Stevie Nicks used to lay and sleep in. Occasionally, he would meow as if saying goodbye to her. Jax demanded to be held as often as possible, and Hal (person) did some cleaning to occupy his time.

I’m not sure what Wednesday has in store for us, but we’ll do the best we can and make it through together.

Friday

A Warm Spring Day

It is 80 degrees this afternoon, and it feels awesome. I’m sitting on the balcony and soaking up some sun as the afternoon passes by. Hal is waiting for maintenance personnel to show up to work on some items around the apartment. If we had known the weather would be like this, he could have delayed the maintenance request until Monday.

I finally went back inside, but it felt good while I was out. The pollen is simply too much for me right now. I’m going to wait for Hal to finish whatever he needs to before going out. In the meantime, I’m making spaghetti in the InstaPot, so there will be more to eat here. I used the last box of spaghetti, well, angel hair pasta, actually, but there’s no sense getting more spaghetti pasta until after we move next Friday. In fact, I want to empty out the refrigerator and freezer as much as possible before the move.

In one week, the rivers will still be bringing things into the new apartment. I know to take things easy and to avoid any heavy lifting or exertion. The last thing I need is another hospital stay.

I’ll try to write more later this evening.

Another Sleepless Night

Another Sleepless Night

Insomnia is back again like an uninvited and unwanted guest that I cannot get rid of, hereto torrent me once again. Rather than fight futility and try to sleep, I’ll just write to occupy my time.

The week is almost over, and I hope that the nasty weather will be as well. I was right again this year about Presidents Day weekend when we would have the worst weather.

I want to go to the grocery store later today if the temperature goes above freezing. My cooking has steadily increased, and I’m happy with the results. We’ve saved a lot of money by cooking meals here at home and plan to continue the practice. I am waiting on the new steamer to arrive so I can steam green beans and corb on the cob using just one steamer. I’m also planning to steam crab legs soon.

My sinuses have given me trouble recently and affected my breathing. To avoid risk, I am not doing anything strenuous because I don’t want to end up in the hospital again. The most valuable lesson I have learned is to stay calm and not panic even when I start to feel short of breath. The deep breathing exercises and meditation have helped to master my emotions and reduce any sense of panic.

Regardless of what happens, I’m still the luckiest man in the world because of Hal. If not for him, I know I would be dead now. He saved my life, and that makes me love him, even more every day. The Stooges keep me happy as well with their antics and love, so no matter what other people might think, I am grateful for what I have, rather than envious of what I don’t.

Insomnia can try to beat me down, but I know it will pass. Hal The Cat has arrived to keep me company as I write, and his presence relaxes me. I think I will sleep soon, so I’ll sign off for the night and look forward to Friday.

Doctors visit

Check-up

I went to my primary care doctor Wednesday morning for a scheduled checkup visit.

I am working with the Long Term Disability people to get the payments rolling. I am going to be in Ling-Term Disability through the end of May. I’ll meet with the doctor before then to see what the next step will be.

Things move in their own time, I have to keep working on my recovery and try to be patient. Rushing a process like this will just lead to trouble.

Fucking Idiots

The Damage Done

It has been over a month since the failed coup attempt at the US Capitol. DumbShit Orange Nazi is being impeached for a second time. The chances of DumbShit Orange Nazi being convicted are remote since republiKKKans won’t do the right thing because they are also Nazis. 

The terrorists who invaded the US Capitol should all be arrested immediately after being identified without exception. They should all be given the harshest sentences, up to and including the death penalty for TREASON. 

I have avoided writing about this as long as I could endure. I served this country in the US Navy and I took an oath to uphold and defend the Constitution of the United States against ALL ENEMIES both foreign and DOMESTIC. The fucking idiots who invaded the US Capitol are those DOMESTIC ENEMIES that I swore to oppose. I have NO SYMPATHY for those people, if they were too fucking stupid to not know the difference between right and wrong, that is their problem. Ignorance of the law is no excuse.

A Change To The Routine

A Change To The Routine

I had a follow-up visit with one of my doctors this morning, but for the first time, it was a virtual visit. One of the staff at the doctor’s office contracted COVID-19, and so all appointments were shifted to virtual if possible. It was a new experience talking to the doctor without being in the same room. This is the new normal.

Another change is this afternoon when I take Hal to his doctor for a check-up. Usually, I’m the one who has to go to the doctor. At least the weather is nice today, although it is rather cold.

I feel ok. I’m still avoiding politics because the subject makes me feel like a relapse to the shit that hospitalized me last year. The stupid fuckers can’t get their act together to help people; they’re only interested in helping themselves. I don’t have the energy to care anymore.

Avoiding politics is the goal I set for myself, and I want to stick to it. My postings are fewer, but that’s because I’m not just reporting every article I find interesting. I need to take time for myself and healing my body and mind.

Making a Break vs Taking a Break

The title says it all. I am going to make a break from posting polity items on this blog. When I say “make a break” I mean a permanent reduction, if not total elimination, of political items on this blog.

“Taking a Break” implies a temporary halt. I want to do more than that. I have used this blog to post political items, and I’ve just lost interest in pursuing it further.

I’m not planning to stop writing; I need to focus on other things. My life is changing, and I need to adapt to the changes with my writing. This whole self-evaluation began when I was in the hospital late last year. I nearly died, and that was a wake-up call that I should focus my life on different areas.

I’ve always been interested in, and passionate about politics. The trouble is that I was so consumed with hatred of what our country was becoming that I lost touch with myself. I became a shell of a person, blindly parroting things I believed in at the expense of everything else in my life. I was miserable without realizing it. I transferred my unhappiness with politics into my personal life, and that was poisoning me.

Therefore, I am taking a break from the old habits and routines. The number of blog posts will diminish at first, but I hope to become more proficient as time goes by.

Headspace 24 JANUARY 2021

I need to get some more Headspace in my life. Starting my day with a short inspirational story and some meditative music is right for me. It lets my mind clear out the clutter and prepare for the new day ahead. The challenge is setting aside the time for Headspace because it is a time-consuming app; there’s no getting around that point.

I can write more freely after watching the daily short story and then starting one of the music playlists. While the music plays, I can write as my mind relaxes and clears. It is a beautiful feeling to embrace the calm and shut out the chaos for a while. Right now, I am listening to a music list called “Kindness.” What a great name to give.

We could all do with more kindness in our lives. We always seem to be focusing on things through anger rather than kindness and love. I am guilty of this mistake, and I have written about overcoming it. It will take time and effort, and concentration, but the inner peace is worth it.

My challenge is to carry through with this effort and not give up. The reward is worth the effort because this affects my sanity and my health. I feel better just listening to the music and letting the words flow out of me. I feel more relaxed than I expected would in the morning. My mood is changing, and I know that it will be a struggle, but I want to make this change in my life.

When I was in the hospital, the nurses and doctors told me that meditation and writing were excellent therapy forms. I can see what they are talking about right now, and I am enjoying myself.

A theme throughout the “Kindness” playlist is water. The sounds of rain or running water are always present. I believe this represents a cleansing or purification of the mind. Letting the unimportant things wash away to leave a clean, pure surface to build the day on is a beautiful image that comes to mind. As I focus on the music, the words come pouring out so effortlessly. It feels incredible and relaxing and refreshing at the same time.

The simple melodies that occur repeat, but not in an annoying way, the pieces keep my mind focused, and then as the songs build and become more complex, it helps my mind open and relaxes me even more.

I just fell into such a wonderful sense of calm. I actually began purging my reading list of some topics that only upset me. I believe this is that proverbial first step on a journey that I am starting this morning, one that I hope will bring me joy, peace, and happiness.

The Day Before

The Day Before

Today is January 19th. Tomorrow is my birthday, and I’ll turn 57 years young. I feel old since my health took a turn for the worse about six months ago, but mentally I feel almost like a teenager. It doesn’t seem possible that I have been here for 57 years. That still seems old to me.

I wonder where I would be, or if I would still be alive, if not for Hal. We have been together for 21 years; over one-third of my life has been with him. We have known and loved one another longer than any relationship I have had, including family.

I am fortunate when I met Hal. I was on my way to becoming an alcoholic. I could throw down with the most hard-core drinkers imaginable. Within six months of meeting Hal, I almost stopped drinking altogether. I will still have a drink or two occasionally, but in 21 years, I’ve never been drunk since I met Hal. I quit smoking five years ago, as well. Hal did bother me about smoking, but he never said those first few months about drinking. I suppose he didn’t want to seem too overbearing.

Anyway, tomorrow is my birthday. There aren’t any big surprises after all these years. I don’t need a thing besides a nice birthday dinner. With the pandemic, and since Hal can’t drive anymore, I already told Hal what I want for my dinner. We’ll go to Bonefish Grill and pick up a salmon dinner and some shrimp to bring back home for my birthday meal. There’s no way in hell we are going to eat in a restaurant during the pandemic.

My birthday is also Inauguration Day, just like it is every fourth year. Getting rid of DumbShit Orange Nazi is a gift all by itself. I hope that the terrorists have been arrested and that there is no violence on my birthday. I never want my birthday to be marred by violence or terrorism.

So, Happy Birthday to me tomorrow.

First Real Post of 2021

We made it through 2020! I’ve never had a year that was as completely fucked up as 2020 was. I hope that 2021 will at least offer some slight improvement for us all.

My sense of optimism has returned with this New Year, at least for the first few hours. I must admit that I went to bed immediately after midnight and a few kisses from Hal because the need to start the association from 2020 was so strong.

Now, at 0500, I’m awake, and I’ll soon be taking a shower to greet 2021 properly. I’m thankful to report that I’m feeling good, with no shortness of breath. Of course, I want 2021 to be a much better year in terms of my physical health and well-being. I want to avoid any trips to the hospital in the New Year.

I hope that everyone, except for republiKKKans and Nazis, will have a great year. Those two groups can all leave the planet and die as far as I care. They tried to destroy this country, and we must remain on guard against them in the future.

I have to pull out one of the laptops or Chromebooks to continue writing this post so I won’t be guilty of breaking the one pseudo resolution I made myself for 2021. Just as soon as I resolve to get out of this ultra-comfy bed this morning, I’ll get right on that.

I am glad to report that my creative and writing juices are flowing without interruption right now, and it is a welcome change because my love of writing never went away. It suffered at times as the overall awfulness of 2020 just sapped the strength out of me. I don’t miss that feeling at all.

Overall, I am delighted to welcome you in 2021. Let’s hope it lives up to the promise of being better than 2020, which, after all, is a very low expectation of meeting.