Kindness Journey – Day 155 – That feeling of being in control

I took a few minutes this morning to pay my credit card bills. I realized that for many years, this simple chore had been a nightmare. I was so deeply in debt that I thought I would never get out.

That feeling of helplessness governed my every action. My health suffered due to the stress I unconsciously subjected myself to every day. Paydays we’re just a means of resetting the ticking clock as I wondered if I would make it through to the next paycheck unscathed.

I had lost control of my life. I was at the mercy of any bad or negative thing that could happen to me. I eventually ended up in the hospital, physically failing apart because I wasn’t In control of my life. I nearly died once while in the hospital. When I finally recovered, I was unable to go back to work. Actually, I tried three times, and lasted less than two weeks before I was back in the hospital again.

I had to make some tough decisions. One of the first was to cash out my 401k. I immediately paid off my debts, and I noticed a difference right away. Although the damage was done, I felt better about myself because I finally regained control of my life.

I had written most of this blog post before yesterday, when Hal The Cat lost his battle against cancer. It just goes to show how some things remain outside of our control no matter what we do. At least as I look back, we were able to care for him as long as we did because of the steps I had taken to get out of debt and regain that much control of my life. All things are related.

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