Kindness Journey – Day 133 – The cost of caring

Kindness can have a wicked sense of humor. I had a bad dream the other night. Hal and I were with my huge family of cousins At Christmas (this never happens). I could only identify a few faces, the rest were distinct blobs without faces, but I knew approximately who they represented.

Hal (person) and I were about to enter a big room, a large kitchen or dining room where everyone else was gathered. For background purposes, my cousins always gathered together for Xmas, but even as a kid growing up in the same town, I was never invited.

As Hal and I were about to enter the room, I heard a roar and looked at the big window on one wall of the room. A blizzard was approaching the window. I knew the window couldn’t stand against the wind and snow.

I started screaming at everyone to get out of the room. They never turned to see the blizzard/avalanche approaching the window.

The window started to crack and was about to break when I woke up. I took a few minutes to gather myself and try to figure out why the dream happened, what it represented, and figure out what I was going to do about it.

After a fee hours, the nagging images of the dream wouldn’t go away. I decided to text one of my cousins and tell her that I had a dream and I I was afraid that someone was either hurt or in trouble.

My cousin responded about two hours later. She said she had checked with her siblings and their families, and everyone was OK. She informed me that she and her family were on vacation, and I got the impression that my text of concern had upset their plans even though she had checked on everyone.

Now I feel like the crazy relative that everyone avoids. I felt a threat to people who generally show no concern about me, I did what I thought was the decent and humane thing to do, and I got this feeling as a result. It makes me wonder if caring is worth the trouble when it comes to my extended family members, knowing what a poor track record the relationship has had through the years.

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