It feels good to know that I’ve accomplished some goals this past week. Being Kind sometimes means giving oneself credit for what one has done.
I try to take time and really reflect on my life every so often. I mean, really focus on how things are going, in order to do this, I choose a point in my past between 2 and 5 years ago.
I remember how things were for me at that point in my life. I read through old blog posts and journal entries from that time to get as class as possible to my mindset at that time. Doing so let’s me then really compare the past to the present. Without this deliberate focus on the past, it is impossible to appreciate my position in the present.
Sometimes, these periods of reflection happen without planning. The second anniversary of my near death has triggered an involuntary reflective state. While it is disturbing to recall and relive some of those moments in my mind, I know there must be a reason for it. Dealing with those feelings is necessary for me to keep moving ahead in life.
It seems contradictory, but Kindness plays a role in those unpleasant memories. Kindness reassured me that they are in the past, and allows me to forgive and love myself as I keep going.
My initial reaction after nearly dying was to lash out in fear and anger. Blog posts from that time are full of hatred and blind rage. I’m ashamed of them, but they are still a part of me, even though they are a part of me I would rather forget. Honestly facing the past let’s me see the progress I have made.