Kindness Journey – Day 91 – Irony

I paid my debts. I expected my life would change. Since, as I said, I allocated the money, I can reflect and try to grasp those changes.

The biggest irony is that after all the years of denying myself the little things, and the big things, I’m in no rush to go out and get them now that I have the ability. I’m not denying that money, or having money, can certainly bring a level of happiness into my life. I am saying that I don’t feel the earth-shattering difference between being in crippling debt and being debt-free, at least not yet.

I still find myself anxiously awaiting my monthly disability check, just like I have for over a year when that check barely kept my head above water financially. Part of this will change as time goes forward as I grasp the reality that I won’t run out of money each month over the concept. This is simply the first time for this new experience and process.

I’m struck by the irony that finally having sone money does not produce some insane desire to go out and spend it. It must be the years/decades of self-discipline still governing my life, which is a good thing. I hope that my mind will adjust to this new reality quickly. I want to enjoy life again for a change.

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