I often find myself wondering what is the point of writing? Self-fulfillment only goes so far before writing becomes just another chore that needs to be done to avoid that uncomfortable feeling when something is neglected. There are days when I just don’t feel like writing, I can’t find any motivation or inspiration.
These are the days when I need to write more than ever, which seems strange. How can I write something meaningful when I can’t think of anything meaningful to write? I feel like I go through the motions without becoming numb to them?
Sometimes I feel like there is no more that I can do to address a problem or a situation. I was taught as a child that there is a solution to everything if I can take the time to find it. My parents never watched Star Trek, so they never would have understood the Kobiyashi Maru scenario, a no-win situation.
I face a no-win scenario with my health right now. I’m just over a bout of hypoglycemia, where my blood sugar dropped to 49 and woke me out of my sleep in a cold sweat. Luckily, I had glucose tablets on the bedside table for emergencies, and this qualified. My blood sugar stabilized after about 10 minutes of slowly chewing and swallowing glucose tablets. I got my level back to 104, and now I am terrified of going back to sleep.
Experience has taught me that I won’t have another hypoglycemia episode tonight, but the fear isn’t rational. I am helpless against this fear, making me feel angry and ashamed. I should not have those responses, but they always appear at times like these.