Afraid to Sleep

     I’m afraid to sleep. There, I admitted it to myself and the rest of the world. I’m reliving my near-death experience when I sleep from a year ago, and I don’t know how to handle it. A therapist told me that anniversaries are triggers and that sometimes we don’t recognize them until something suddenly snaps. 

     I’m trying to reevaluate everything right now. I’ve probably lied to myself about getting better. Instead, I think I’ve recovered as much as I can. I feel angry, like I let myself down, but now I must consider how bad my situation was. I’m moving away from the precipice without recognizing how close to the edge I was. 

     I have flashbacks, nightmares, and bad dreams when I sleep now. I wake up on the verge of screaming, but the details of the dreams have already escaped my mind. I can’t talk about things I can’t remember. All I can do is hope that in less than two weeks, with the anniversary of my release from the hospital, that the flashbacks, nightmares, and bad dreams will stop. 

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.