Depressed, Sad, and Afraid

     It is Thanksgiving, and I am feeling depressed and afraid. Almost exactly one year ago, I went to the hospital for the 4th or 5th time that year for breathing trouble. It happened the weekend after Thanksgiving. After several days in the hospital, my kidneys started to shut down; I don’t remember much for the next few days after that.  Doctors put me into a coma and transferred me to another hospital. I wasn’t brought back to consciousness for almost a week.

     At that time, doctors and nurses told me what had happened. I was alone. Hal had to take Uber for almost 75 miles to get to me because he couldn’t drive. I was alone every other day for nearly a month there in that. It was the worst time in my life, and I never want to relive it.

     Now, I have memories of that time, no matter how I try to avoid them and think of other things. I’m sure that the first anniversary triggers these memories. To make matters worse, this year, Hal has some of his family nearby and will probably spend time with them. I don’t blame Hal for wanting to see his family, but that will leave me here alone for an indeterminate period. I don’t want to be alone right now. I’m thinking about the bad things that could happen instead of the good things that already happened.

     So, here I am on Thanksgiving feeling depressed and afraid. I can’t talk with Hal about how I feel because he will tell me to get over it and not think about it. I wish it were that easy. I have flashbacks to the time in the hospital that I just can’t control. Am I going insane? I hope not.

     At any rate, I prepared a large roast for out Thanksgiving meal later today. We will spend the day here at home. Just us and The Stooges.

     Happy Thanksgiving everyone.