I tried many times to be optimistic about things. An easy thing to say is that it is much harder than it seems. I try again now because life is too short to let the world drag me down. I want to be informed, but not at the cost of my sanity.

     My observations are not that important to the world as much as I want them to be. It is time to turn my focus inward and be a better person.

     One year ago, I was in and out of the hospital, and I didn’t know if I would survive to be here now. Thankfully, I am here, and there must be a reason for it. I learned a lot lying in a hospital bed for weeks at a time about myself and the world around me. I got better through medicine and therapy, including meditation. Since I left the hospital for the last time (knock on wood) on 16 DEC 20, I have maintained some degree of meditation, but it has been slipping recently.

     The last thing I want is to go back to the hospital again. I struggled to put my life back together, and for the most part, I succeeded. But I have a terrible nagging feeling that I am losing my grip on things because I let the world govern me instead of focusing on myself and my life first.

     It is hard to stay positive, the world does its best to drag me down, and I feel I’m not strong enough to fight back. Deep inside, I know that I can change my life, but that means turning away from the outside world and focusing my attention on taking care of myself.

     The best way for me to make a difference is to be a positive influence on others. That is my goal going forward. I must stop and think before responding to someone by answering these three questions before speaking or typing.

  1. Is it true?
  2. Is it Necessary?
  3. Is it Kind?

If I can answer those three questions affirmatively, then it is worth saying.

     Wish me luck.

My Journey 12 OCT 21

     I’m awake. Insomnia happens at the weirdest times, but since I am on disability, it doesn’t wreck my days like it used to. I can just sleep during the day when I get tired now.

     One thing that I am motivated about is cooking. Since I got my new cookware set, I am focused on making meals here at home than ever before. I am planning meals to prepare and the associated grocery lists to make it happen. My cooking skills could always stand some improvement, but I do a damn good job if I say so myself.

     I will make chicken breasts marinated in homemade sauce with green bean casserole and baked beans or corn with mashed potatoes. That will give us more than enough food to get through until our next Stir Friday Night. I already have ingredients for that ready here in the freezer.

     All of this involves changing my habits. I cannot grab something while we’re out all the time. We are staying home more once again as the flu and COVID situations merge and create new hazards. I believe that the same people refusing to take the COVID vaccine will now refuse to get a flu shot, compounding our problems. We noticed the shortage of items at the grocery store on our last visit. We decided to use the curbside pickup option again because so many people don’t wear protective masks anymore when they are out in public.

     Cooking meals save us money. Staying home saves us money. Not being exposed to potentially sick people unnecessarily saves us money and health. We have each other, and that is more than enough.