A Tough Day
Today is a tough day for me. I am dealing with several issues simultaneously that I would rather not deal with at all.
First is September 11th. We all know what it means, but that ignores the fact that the day has become politicized and toxic. The day is an excused for the most vile and disgusting people to crawl out of their holes and spew hatred,.
I will watch sports on TV today, but I will leave the room or turn it off when the obligatory fake patriotism shit starts. Loving this country has nothing to do with standing or kneeling fort a song or a piece of cloth. Patriotism is like religion, throw it out occasionally to impress everyone, and then go back to whatever you were doing before.
The other issue is the funeral of my relative via marriage. The ceremony is private, but that is not a problem since Hal and I are 800 miles away. Once Ron is laid to rest, I face the very real possibility that I will never hear from my extended family again. While I remain hopeful, I am also realistic. I expressed my grief and solidarity with my cousins, I offered my love and support. I can do nothing more to demonstrate my willingness to be a family, but I know that I most likely will not hear from them again.
I will focus my energy on things here today. I have a wonderful life that I would not trade for anything. If I am to continue with this life without family, I have done so and am prepared to continue. I don’t face any sudden expulsion or rejection, just the normal routine that has existed for years. Hal remains the love of my life. He and our cats are my real family, we love and trust one another, and have never let each other down.
Basically, I just don’t like September 11, and I don’t think I ever will.