I have been dealing with many issues recently, and I haven’t written as I should. Whenever I fall behind with my writing, tension and uneasiness creep into my life. My peace of mind vanishes, and I feel worse with each passing day.

I had several dreams about my job and my future recently. I’ve been on disability this entire year. The company I work for is taking me off their health plan, although they promise that they “still care” about me. I wonder about that since the communication has almost completely stopped.

I have to focus on my health, so I’m applying for permanent disability. At least the long-term disability plan I have is a good one, and the company can’t force me back to work without medical clearance. That’s a relief for me.

Hal believes that I should go on permanent disability and not go back to work. I understand his point of view and am leaning towards it. I’ll gain nothing by putting myself into a constant stream situation by returning to work.

As for the suspicion, I’ve had several dreams where I could not get logged onto my work computer. I could get no help from anyone, and it felt like I didn’t exist. I believe that this is a sign that going back is not where my future lies. I still have terrible days, health-wise, so I think that my dreams are preparing me for the inevitable permanent break with my employer. I’m at peace with it now.