Is this the best I can hope for?
I’m almost afraid to write this blog post. It is a very sensitive subject for me to discuss here, but I do know that therapy stresses writing to get my feelings out in the open.
My recovery from last fall’s hospital stays has been excellent, according to my doctors. COPD means I’ll never be a runner. I won’t play tennis or basketball anytime soon. Compared with my condition last December, I have made significant progress, but that progress has slowed down almost to the point of not improving anymore at all.
Is my current condition the highest plateau I can reach? Part of me screams “No!” but my rational side says this is probably true. I still get dizzy when I have to bend over for more than a second or two. I feel like I’m running out of breath very quickly. Thankfully, I can use meditation and controlled breathing to stop myself from getting into real trouble.
I am only mortal, as are we all. I recognize that I’m closer to the end than the beginning. I see the world going straight to hell, and there’s nothing I can do about it. Stupid people want to argue, and I don’t have the stamina for that anymore.
If what I feel now is my new apex, I want to spend a lot of time here before I start the inevitable downhill slide. I am currently focused on the quality of my life more than ever before.
I don’t plan on leaving here anytime soon.