I realized this morning that it had been just over five months since I left the hospital. So much has happened since then, I’ve recovered to some degree, and I know now what my limitations are.
I distinctly remember coming home from the hospital. It was 16 December 2020, a cold, rainy, miserable day. Hal and I had to travel from Richmond home in an Über since Hal can no longer drive, and I couldn’t. I felt weak and miserable the entire trip, but at least I was going home.
The first thing I did was collapse into a chair in the living room because I was weak. That night, I tried to take a shower, but I couldn’t stand up and maintain my balance long enough to be successful. I wanted to cry. I was so frustrated and disappointed with myself.
It took me more than a week to have enough strength to shower. Hal would sit in the bathroom in case I fell for the first week. I was determined to do this by myself, and I eventually succeeded.
Now I enjoy taking luxurious showers twice a day. I remember how bad it felt in the hospital when I couldn’t shower because of all the tubes and sensors attached to me. I relish every second of water pouring over me, of the lather cleansing my skin, of the beautiful, fresh feeling after a shower.
I’m writing about this to remind myself that obstacles can be overcome. Perseverance and dedication will help, but the desire is the most crucial part.
Letting others dictate your value is a very self-destructive process. We are constantly bombarded with messages to be like someone else rather than be our own best person. When we reach adulthood, many of us find that we have no distinct identity because we were forced to emulate someone else.
Since I rededicated myself to meditation, I’ve noticed subtle changes, even after only a few days. I cope with things differently, and I’m learning not to react to any little thing by immediately ramping up to level 10 instantly.
I know that I feel better and less stressed out. I am still focused on sleeping better, and that is improving. As I get more rest, I find more energy to focus positively on myself and those around me.
It’s never too late to start meditating. The benefits are tremendous.