Something is Wrong
I was feeling so good earlier today. My follow-up with the pulmonary specialist this morning went better than expected. I was in a great mood, and I was convinced that nothing would bring me down.
I was wrong. As I watched March Madness, I got a news bulletin about a Colorado grocery store shooter. My first thought was, “Here we go again.” Another mass shooting, the American curse that we can’t get away from. I listened to Denver’s news reports, and the lingering things remained unresolved, the more uneasy I become.
There are so many mass shootings in America that they just run together in a blur. I remember one in which the lack of information turned out to be bad news because the number of victims was so high. I hope that I am wrong this time. It is a terrible sense of foreboding. Only time will reveal what exactly happened earlier today.
Here we are, more than an hour later, and there is still no word on what has happened. I am more afraid that this will be a great tragedy in terms of the number of victims. Once again, this is a peculiarly American tragedy that we seem powerless to stop; it should I say we are unwilling to stop by enacting common-sense gun control.
The news conference is supposed to start soon. I wish I has a better feeling about this. Prayers are fucking useless, so save those. We need to do something to limit the availability of guns in this country. Sadly, nothing will change. Politicians are afraid of the terrorist NRA.
Spring has arrived, and I’m happy because it means more time outside, and it also means we’re closer to mining out of this apartment. Hal and I are convinced that the air in this place is just wrong.
I’m tired of feeling bad. I want to get better and to enjoy life again for a change. Hal has been fantastic through all of this, and I want to help him as much as I can. I would be dead if he weren’t with me, so I’m grateful for every day we have together.
If I am able to go back to work, I’ll be happy about it. If not then it will give me more quality time with Hal. The key is to do the best I can, and not stress over the outcome that I cannot control.