Day: 01 JAM3 2020

Small Steps =Big Progress from Evernote

They always say that the biggest journeys in life begins with a single step. I feel like I have taken that first step today here in the hospital.

I was talking with one of the nurses about technology, and the subject of the human body came up. I announced that I was going to the bathroom. Not that I needed to go, but that I WAS GOING. This surprised the nurse because I’m not supposed to be able to go on my feet without help for a few days.

I had to put on my crotchety old man act as I rose up from the hospital bed and began the short, but for me, monumental trip. I put on a brave face and ignored the pain in my lower back (cased by all the laying down), and I made it to the bathroom without assistance.

The elder nurse looked at me as I emerged from the bathroom a few minutes later. She congratulated me on my display of mind over matter. She knew that I was capable of doing what I had done, but she let me steal the show so I would feel better about myself.

With a smirk, she asked “And how does your lower back feel after your adventure?” I laughed and told her I wanted morphine. She knew and understood what I was going through, and she laughed with me.

The biggest journey meets the smallest step.

No End In Sight -From Evernote

I’m in the hospital again. I’ve given up hope of ever leading a “normal” life again. Since August of 2020, I’ve spent at 1-2 weeks each month in the hospital. My job even requested that I take short term disability away from work and I’ve submitted that paperwork for processing.

The initial plan was to submit a plan to take me into January, but that seems overly optimistic now. I will request an extension once things are approved and base the length of the request upon what the doctors tell me we the time.

This has been a scary time for me. Not knowing what tomorrow has in store has really made me evaluate my life over and over again. Unfortunately, I haven’t come up with any real answers yet, but I keep on searching because I know that the answer is out there.

I have to face the facts that I might not get the answers I want. Like so many searchers, it is important to know when you have reached the end of your search and aren’t trying to bend reality to fit your view of what you want, rather than what we’re looking for in the first place.

So, I’ll keep this journey going, but with an open mind about things, and see where that leads me.