Update on Broken and Toxic Relationships

The blog prompt for today asks about negative or broken relationships in my life and what had changed since I last wrote about them. The last post from January 30, 2020 is located at:

https://wordpress.com/post/dreamer9177.com/9351

That post involves the toxic relationship that existed between myself and my extended family since I am an only child and Mom and Dad are both dead. I won’t bore anyone with the details, they are listed in the link above.

The good news is that I moved on from all of the relatives. I accepted that I was never going to be a part of their brood, and that suits me just fine. There is no polite interaction and no bickering, there is just silence. The relationship that tried to exist is severed, and it won’t be repaired again, or even attempted to repair.

Letting that bad situation slide into my past was a key in my self-worth going forward. Effort to work and interact with those who don’t care about you is just wasted effort. I recognized that I cared less with each passing year and that it was inevitable that I would just cut things off altogether. I’m glad that I did.

I am not a better person than they are. I wasn’t terribly hurt by their behavior because it was a constant things throughout my life. I saw that it was holding me back in some ways, and that bothered me. It is impossible to share part of your life with someone who doesn’t give a shit about you, so why try??

Small Naps

I am learning a way to cope with my insomnia. I brake naps when I get tired, rather than force myself to stay awake in the hopes that sheer exhaustion will make me sleep. That approach has failed miserably.

So here I sit at nearly 0209, awake after a long nap. No longer will I lament what is happening to me, because I cannot control it. This time will be used to start, and perhaps complete, a blog post. It feels better when I turn this middle of the night awake time into something positive.

I already know that the future of this night can go either one of two ways. I will get more sleep, or I won’t. I’m tired of trying to make that decision for my body because it never succeeds.