I spent much of my life dealing with the fear of being alone. Loneliness is a terrible thing if left untreated because we are all social beings. My attempts to cure loneliness were often unsuccessful because I was raised so differently from the other kids I grew up with. I had two great parents who took an active interest without the “helicopter” approach that seems to be all the rage now.
I made friends easily, but most friendships didn’t last that long because I was seen as opinionated and arrogant. FOr my part, I thought of so many people as shallow and insincere, willing to follow whatever mindless trend dominated the moment. I felt that I was held to a higher standard by my parents, not necessarily making me superior in any way, but making me more mature and honest.
Romance was difficult as well, and this highlighted the loneliness. I seemed to be unable to find the right person. It wasn’t until I realized that I was never going to meet the “right” person that my loneliness started to ease. When I met Hal (person), I was mature and experienced enough to not try to rush into anything, and neither was he. We had shared experiences that brought us together, and that is where the first bonds were formed.
I no longer fear loneliness. I have spent a lifetime dealing with it and overcoming it.
Who doesn’t fear failure? I struggled as a child to do my best to live up to my parents’ expectations. Thankfully, both of them told me that there were no standards that I had to meet other than being honest and to be myself with them. I had a great deal of trust from my parents, and that added to the perception that I was aloof and arrogant as I mentioned earlier.
I learned that failures are what we build upon as we go through life. No one likes to fail, but those who never fail have never tried.
There is a trend here because the next fear is rejection. The hardest lesson I ever had to learn was that not everyone will like me, regardless of what I do or say. The struggle to gain acceptance can cripple us emotionally. I eventually learned that the people who would demand that I meet their expectations were the people who wanted to exercise that level of control over me. I refuse to give my life to someone else.
If you ever saw the movie “The Replacements” about a football team, then you will understand the reference to quicksand. It is the fear of getting into a situation where you feel that there is no way out and that anything you do will only serve to make the situation worse. Eventually, you decide to stop struggling, knowing that you will sink, but afraid that trying to change anything will only make things worse. If the outcome is predetermined, then struggling is not going to make a difference. I refuse to accept that there are those situations. It is always better to strive to improve things rather than simply accept them as they are because the choice to accept is more comfortable.
I used to fear being ridiculed. I overcame that one, so go ahead, I can take it 🙂