July is almost over. At times, this month seemed to fly past, at other times it seemed to never end. Through it all, I have always had Hal (person) here to lean on. We have supported each other over the last almost 20 years, and we get stronger together each day.
I often tell Hal that I might not be here if we had not met. I was in a dark place when he came into my life. I was deeply depressed and enthusiastically drinking myself into oblivion. It was just a matter of time until I did something stupid, dangerous, or both. I saw no real point to the whole life thing at that time.
When Hal and I started dating, I could easily throw down 6 or more strong mixed drinks in just an hour or so without any effects. To his credit, Hal never mentioned that to me. Instead, he found things for us to do that took me away from the opportunity to keep drinking, and I never even realized it at the time.
I know that I have the alcoholic gene in me. I have never had a hangover in my life, even after bouts of drinking which have left others sicker than they have ever been. The road was wide open for me to drink myself to death, and yet Hal saved me. I never realized how much I leaned on him at that time, and he never said a word to me about it. And here we are still together and we will soon celebrate our 20th anniversary.
Happiness is having someone to lean on, but make sure that it is not totally a one-way relationship in that regard. Always be there for each other. I was able to let Hal lean on me when he went through his own tough times, and I did so without even mentioning it to him because I had learned that valuable lesson from him.
If we love each other, and we know that we can lean on each other when we are tired, then the world will be a better place for us all.
Today is a day to hope for the unexpected laughter that has so excited Charlie Brown and Snoopy. I feel like I could really use that in my life this morning because the weight of the world seems to be crashing down on me. This feeling is normal after several nights of insomnia, so other than the physical exhaustion I am not terribly concerned about anything else right now It simply never happens that days like this have the unexpected laughter that would be so very welcome.
Thankfully, this should be another slow day at work and I can get caught up on things and even work ahead if I can get things organized the right way. Ironically I get some of my best work done on days like this.
Life itself continues to zero in on things here at home. I mean this in a good way, just that outside influences are dwindling away, and I personally like that. My priorities should be here with Hal and The Stooges. The medical issue with extended family that I mentioned about a week or so ago has mysteriously gone quiet, at least as far as them telling me anything. I decided that I have made the efforts to express my sympathy and interest, so it is their decision to either let me know what is happening or to go silent. Honestly, going silent is what they have done historically so this isn’t a surprise to me. This lack of communication isn’t unexpected, so there is no emotional turmoil to deal with. The feeling of isolation from the extended family is also nothing new and is something that I learned to deal with many years ago.
It seemed like years passed before lunchtime arrived. At least I know that the day is more than halfway done as I ate my lunch. I am looking forward to a visit with the Chiropractor and Acupuncturist after work this afternoon. If there is any Justice, I will sleep better tonight. This afternoon will test my endurance as there are meetings to attend that really require zero inputs from me. I will try to work on other projects as I am able to while pretending to listen in to the conference calls.
I’m still waiting for the unexpected laughter that Charlie Brown and Snoopy are enjoying so much.
The week has started, but thankfully it is very quiet so far on a Monday morning. I have taken the time to plan out tasks for the week and make sure that my calendar has room for all of the proposed meetings that will take place. I’m grateful that the West Coast people haven’t arrived at work yet, because it gives me several hours to plan things out before they arrive and start with their own set of priorities.
I made it through the weekend without spending a lot of money. That was a major accomplishment for me, and I am proud of myself for taking care of it. I have plenty of food here for all of us, and enough to cook more meals in a day or two without having to make more trips to the grocery store. I have thought about purchasing an air fryer, but have decided that it will probably wait until next year. Since it appears more and more likely that we will be moving in the Spring, there is no real incentive to get more stuff here that will have to be moved when the time comes. I can cook things in the oven the old-fashioned way until we get to our next home. The apartment we looked at and both like has a much larger kitchen and more storage as well.
Speaking of storage, I went through the closet and pulled out clothes that haven’t been worn in more than a year and have bagged them for Goodwill. There is no point in hanging onto things that are no longer being used. The pre-move purge has started about 8 months early. I estimate that I can eliminate nearly 50% of the items in the closet before we move if I put my mind to the task and stay practical and pragmatic about things.
Honestly, I want to purge more things than ever before our next move. I have been guilty of waiting to really start purging and packing until almost the last minute. This time I will really begin the whole adventure at least a month before we move. That way I can really organize everything that I am keeping as well as take my time to decide what is going away permanently. It will mean living amongst a forest of boxes for a while, but it will be worth it in the long term. Hal has already talked about renting a van to take some items that we don’t want the movers to handle because they are valuable to us, but that is way in the future at this point. I would definitely take the computers and my guitars and amps in a van, and I am sure that Hal has things he wants to transport himself as well, otherwise, he wouldn’t have brought up the subject in the first place. Since the next move will probably be at least 50 miles or so, things like this require much more planning beforehand to go smoothly.
I managed to get a relatively good night of sleep for a change. As I get myself organized to take on the rest of the day, I am taking stock of things that need to be done versus things that I would like to do, versus things I just want for no reason.
Obviously, the things that I want for no reason are the first things to get cut. I was on the verge of getting a new electric guitar because I had rationalized to myself that I could manage to juggle enough money around to make it happen. After thinking about it, I realized that if I had to go through all the trouble to prove that I could afford it, I really could NOT afford it.
The second category involved a desire to update my personal laptop. While this might be considered more vital than a new guitar, the same principle about affordability applied. Until the existing laptop no longer functions, I cannot justify spending that money.
The last thing involves Spartacus. He is nearly 19 years old and has really started showing signs of senility. He has completely forgotten how to use the litter box and he will sit and stare at something for hours without moving until we pick him up. He will wait until we pick him up and take him to the bathroom before he will unload on the floor. We now are buying the protective pads for dogs so Spartacus will go on those, and so far they are working. Unfortunately, those pads do get rather pricey when we have to buy them for an undetermined amount of time. However, there is no rationalization necessary for this expense. Spartacus is worth more than we can ever express, and taking care of him is the most important thing we can do.
All of this makes sense when taking into account we will be moving again next Spring. Prices are rising steadily around here, and although we love the place, it is just getting too expensive to live here any longer. This means that in addition to taking care of Spartacus for as long as necessary, we also have to budget for the cost of moving in less than a year. Experience has taught us that it is never too early to start the financial planning for that expense.
Hal has said that he wants to go shopping again this afternoon. I hope that he means “looking” rather than ‘buying”, but that will be another blog post.
Saturday morning started early for me. I didn’t sleep well last night, so I got out of bed early, took a shower, and waited to leave for the oil change appointment for the Fiesta. I’m glad I arrived early for the appointment because the garage can usually start things early, which means that things are finished sooner.
Of course there are drawbacks to waiting for the Fiesta to be ready. I’m sitting in the customer waiting area and composing this blog post on my phone while most people are zombified by the TV that is way too loud for my taste. In fact, the TV being on at all makes it too loud for me. I’m making a personal goal to avoid even looking at the TV while I have to be here.
I hope that Hal (person) will have a plan for the rest of the day by the time I get home. As predicted in an earlier blog post, plans with “friends” fell apart due to their lack of commitment. I made certain that the plans were off yesterday when we got the first indications that the people were preparing an excuse to cancel at the last minute. That behavior really pisses me off. As far as I am concerned, there will not be a next time for that bullshit to happen, I am done with those people, and not only the apostrophes, but the word “friends” will no longer be associated with them.
The best news of the day was that I only spent about 20 minutes waiting for the oil change! After the trip home, Hal told me that he wanted to go shopping, so we spent the afternoon out. He ended up buying a new backpack. We got back home and I was going over the finances and realized that I am doing better, but I still need to be careful. After some soul-searching, I canceled an order for a guitar that I really wanted because of some medical expenses for Spartacus. He is becoming senile and requires some additional medicine. Spartacus is more important than a guitar.
That wraps up a busy Saturday. More to talk about tomorrow, I’m sure.
Happiness is indeed a new day. A chance to start over again and improve on things from yesterday and make them better in preparation for tomorrow. Fridays remind me of how fragile time is because the weekend is almost here, and before I know it, that weekend will fade into the past.
My first goal is to get through the day at work. I always try to leave a little time at the end of the Friday workday to lay out my plans for Monday morning, rather than rushing headlong into things after the weekend. I find that my mind relaxes more when I take those extra few minutes to get ahead of things.
After work, Hal and I have the entire weekend to ourselves. The only thing on the agenda is getting the oil change done to my car tomorrow morning. Plans to get together with “friends” fell apart wen, predictably, we got a text saying that they were under the weather and that tomorrow wasn’t such a good idea. I didnt say what I wanted to, I told them that I hoped they felt better soon and left it at that. Both Hal and I fully expect a miraculous recovery from them in order to get together with someone else at the same time tomorrow. Life moves on and Karma is a bitch.
After work was over, Hal and I went shopping and then stopped for dinner. We came home early, there are no plans to venture out again this evening. Tomorrow morning I will take the Fiesta to get an oil change and then see what the rest of the weekend has in store for us.
I did make one purchase this evening after we came home, but it will be another blog entry to cover all those details, hopefully by the middle of next week.
I just received a notification from WordPress that my blog turns 10 years old today. I had no idea that today was such a special day. I took the time to go and look at the blog summary and found that I have posted nearly 4000 times over those 10 years. Again, this seems almost impossible to me, and yet here it is.
Call it serendipity, but I just wrote another post and speculated if this blog was going to continue for much longer. I still don’t have the answer to that, but at least I have a much better idea about what I would be giving up if I decide that it is time to retire Dreamer’s World in the future. To know that so much time and effort has gone into this gives me a sense of perspective about the blog, and about life.
For all my faults and periods of inactivity, Dreamer’s World means a lot to me. It isn’t the whole story of my life over these last 10 years, but it is the portion that I have chosen to share with the rest of the world. I hope that there are a handful of people who have gotten a laugh, or an inspiration, from Dreamer’s World over these last 10 years.
Occasionally, Snoopy And The Gang present me with exactly the right sentiment that matches what I am feeling. Today is one of those days, although it is slightly out of phase.
“Happiness Is A Friendly Tweet” was the sentiment that caught my eye and drew me in. However, I would state that there were very few “friendly tweets” when I was using Twitter until just over a year ago. I always found Twitter to be a platform for people to be rude and unpleasant to one another, a competition to see who could create the most clever putdown using 140 characters or less in response to someone who managed to start some argument online.
When I left Twitter, just like when I left Facebook, I didn’t make the grand announcement and present a lost of grievances to the world at large about why I was leaving. I just realized that it was time for me to move on with my life and leave the adolescent bullshit behind. I simply deleted my accounts (much more complicated than it sounds) and started life anew.
Sometimes I still miss Twitter for the news updates, but it was impossible (at least for me) to avoid all the unpleasant and unnecessary bullshit that went along with it. There might have been two people who actually communicated with me via Twitter, but that became so routine that it didn’t hurt to let it go.
140 characters are far too limiting for someone who longs to write, that is why my blog is the last social media element to survive my purge. I need to make a better effort to work on this blog, but I suppose that I have to consider the possibility that it might go away at some point in the future. The key is that I am in control of the technology, rather than letting it control me.
I feel that a change is in order. For some time now, I have felt that something was going on that I could not readily identify. I believe that I have finally found what has been nagging at me, and that is the need for a change.
I have talked with Hal (person) about this and he gave me the answer. People can function well at anything, but only up to a point. As we grow older, this pattern of change isn’t affected, it remains constant. If I do something for a period of time, it becomes stale and the excitement vanishes. I have reached that point with my blog.
Initially, I was always writing something each day, then I fell out of that habit and began plugging in stories that interested me. Although I gained followers, I was losing the biggest reason I started the blog for in the first place, and that was to have the means to express myself and not simply repeat others. I have failed. My blog now consists of me finding a story that I like and posing it without comment or personal observation. When I genuinely want to write, and not simply repost items, I will do so.
I need to disengage myself from the internet for a while. I feel that it has taken control of me rather than me using it. I have withdrawn from most social media, so this won’t be a huge adjustment for me. In fact, it can be seen as the continuation of a longer and larger process.
A new chapter begins, the blank page awaits the telling of new adventures. Let’s begin.
This blog is not being abandoned, but the cobwebs will gather quickly as I search for my inner muse.