Dreamer’s World December 28, 2019 – Lyrics That Say So Much

The last two months of this year have been extremely difficult at work for me. I feel as if I was set up for failure in order to have someone else look good for promotion. I was not under consideration for the position, so I was completely blindsided when things were dumped into my lap. Things that were clearly going to crash and burn in spectacular fashion. Yet, my name was on these things when the failures occurred.

Between my manager and the other person, their plans were a complete success. For me, I was left to face the criticism and recriminations for the tasks that were dumped on me at the last minute and guaranteed to fail.

Up until this event, I had never been happier in a job like I had been in this one. That has all changed. Adding in the fact that my appraisal took a major dive as a result of this whole episode and I finally had to have a serious discussion with my supervisor. I told her that I was no longer happy with my job as it has been reconstituted with the additional tasking.

While I never threatened to walk away from the job, I did inform her and the other person who directly benefitted from my misfortune that things will never be the same again in our relationships.

I have spent time listening to music all my life when something happens and I need to find the right words to say. This time, my perfect phrase that I have in mind for my supervisor and the other person came from the song “Precious” by Depeche Mode. These words perfectly describe my new relationship with the supervisor and the other worker.

“Things get damaged
Things get broken
I thought we’d manage
But words left unspoken
Left us so brittle
There was so little left to give”.

2019 will start with a clean slate as far as I am concerned. No traces of the previous relationships or friendships will ever cloud my judgment again.

I will soon be characterized as cold and aloof, and not a true team player. I can easily deal with that psychobabble bullshit without any harm to myself. Relationships do get damaged and broken, and the things left unsaid make it impossible to continue on the way things were.

Dreamer’s World December 26, 2018 – Another Successful Instant Pot Meal

Sometimes things work out. On xmas day, I made a meal in the Instant Pot.

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I have learned that the Instant Pot always delivers on the promise of a great meal without lots of effort. The pork chops came out tender so that you could slice through them with a spoon. I added some rosemary to the lemon pepper seasoning that the recipe called for and Hal complimented me on how delicious the meal was.

I had plenty of gravy for the mashed potatoes and we also had green beans and corn to round out the meal. A bottle of wine made everything perfect.

Dreamer’s World December 24, 2018 – How I Feel About This Time Of Year

    To everyone who still finds joy at this time of the year, I envy you.

Every year the holiday season seems to get worse and worse for me personally. The magic of the season wore off many years ago, and I am left to slog through each late December now with no emotion left in me. It seems that every effort to rekindle the magic fails in spectacular fashion. Hence the motivation to keep trying is also gone.

   I longed for the time of innocence when I believed in miracles and magic. As I grew up and reality kept smacking me in the face to keep me moving through the rest of the year, I became something different. Initially, the holidays were a time to at least enjoy some days off from work if nothing else. As friends drifted apart and family just drifted away, the illusions of the holiday were stripped away. I am left with just the fact that this is only another period of the year. A time in which the hypocrisy of things is more glaring, but not that different from any other time os the year.

I lose my temper more quickly this time of the year when I see how other people also struggle with their own issues. I drink more around the holidays just to help ignore other people.  I know that they only “care” because their conscience tells them to for these two weeks. After that, things go back to normal, and the interaction dies.

I miss the magic, I miss the belief in things if only for a little while that used to take my mind off things, but I cannot go back. There isn’t any nobility in suffering, there is only suffering.  The mood only serves to amplify the smallest thing that goes wrong and turn it into some tragedy of cosmic proportions.

The magic is gone. There is only the reality of seeing the world for what it indeed is, backlit against the hypocrisy of the holiday season. I will endure this time and for the rest of the holiday seasons to come. The illusion and the magic are gone.