I really wish I could figure out why I am so tired. I am sure that part of this has to do with the change of the clocks just over a week ago. Since it gets dark so early now, I find myself wanting to go to bed earlier and earlier, but there are always things that have to be done before that can happen. I also know that I have to exercise more to feel better, that is the hardest part of things.
The approaching holiday also must have something to do with how I feel. Try as I might, it seems that I always struggle with my personal demons at this time of the year. I still do not know if Hal will go to Florida next week. I suppose that the longer we go without an announcement, the higher the chances that he will be staying here. That decision is out of my control, and I will not attempt to sway Hal one way or the other. I respect his decision and his desire to be with his family.
I am also just feeling completely exhausted today. Perhaps it was the extra sleep last night that reminded my body of how much more sleep it truly needs. I can’t do much about that tonight since I have to take Hal to and from work this evening and won’t be able to get to bed before 2300. I will do my best and make it through the day.
The worst part of the day was the conference calls. I find myself struggling to find other things to keep myself busy during those times. My presence in the meetings is pointless, but I have to dial in or risk getting nasty emails regarding my absence. I have talked with my team lead about this, but she doesn’t want to push the issue. I am not blaming her because she has to deal with all of the other people face to face and that would get really old.
I think that another issue that affects me being tired is eating. I have put on some extra weight, and I need to get rid of it. The first thing I can do is to restrict when I eat. I notice that I am eating more time during the day. Perhaps this is because of the exhaustion, or because of the upcoming holiday, I am not sure. I have to learn to fight off the nagging hunger pains when I really don’t need the food at that time. Eating has become a means to pass the time, and that is not going to do me any good at all.
I am starting today. I will eat at predetermined times that I know will not cause any trouble with my BG readings. Now all I have to do is follow through with this plan. Since the only trip I have is to take Hal to work and pick him up, I will measure my BG before leaving with him and then again when I get home before I have anything to eat. Afterwards, I can have dinner at an early hour and then monitor BG before bedtime. I am sure that it will be closer to normal without the extra snacks that I have been eating recently.
All of these things are factors in my exhaustion, I am sure of that. It is up to me to rearrange my life to get things back to normal and to feel more alive and have more energy.