My Calling

     The journaling journey topic for today is to identify my calling or my life purpose. I feel that my calling has changed over the years. I used to feel that it was my calling to teach, and that does seem to bubble to the surface from time to time. Right now I feel like my life has been geared more towards actually create the materials that would be used to teach others.

Because I work with information that is used to train others it is important that everything is written in such a way that the student can work independently without an instructor present. The challenge of writing without directly communicating with the audience at the same time makes for a real challenge, but one that I enjoy.

I know that this must be what I am destined to do for right now because I am extremely happy with my situation, and I look forward to work each day.

My Beliefs

My journaling journey continues with the next in a series of probing questions. “What do my current beliefs mean to me? And do I practice any form of religion?”

My personal beliefs are extremely important to me. As with anyone else, those beliefs help to define me as a person and guide me through everyday life. 

I got my beliefs from my parents just like almost everyone else. I was taught to follow my heart and my instincts rather than a set of rules and dogmatic instructions. This made me different from my friends growing up, and I am proud of it.

As far as religion, I tried it. My parents encouraged me to see what it was all about and I was not pressured to accept or reject it. I was taught to trust what I had been taught by them, to follow my heart and to judge what religion delivered against what religion promised. After a few years, I came to the conclusion that religion was nothing more than a MINDFUCK designed to stifle creative thinking and individuality. Religion is a con game run by charlatans only interested in making a quick buck. Religion is nothing more than a tool to control the masses, as Marx indicated, by promising people that suffering is noble while the rich get richer by exploiting the poor.

Religion is an excuse to allow the problems of the world to continue without being properly addressed because “It is God’s will”. This is a lame excuse to allow wars, famines, injustices, and other cruelties to go unpunished. Religion is designed to make people feel like they have done something when in reality they have done nothing at all.

Religion has no place in my beliefs these days. I have moved past it. 

Mortality

     Just over an hour ago, a quiet Sunday afternoon was shattered by the news that Kobe Bryant had died in a helicopter crash in Southern California. Adding to that was the even more heartbreaking news that Kobe’s oldest daughter was also killed in the crash. 

     I am not a big NBA fan, I want to put that statement out there first. The real tragedy is that a 41 year old man, in the prime of his life and his young daughter are no longer with us. Both are gone far too soon, and no explanation will ever give true understanding about what happened. 

     Life is fragile. That makes it so important to enjoy and live life to the fullest. It can be gone in an instant without warning.      I hope that Kobe’s widow and children can find love and support as they go to this terrible day, and the days to change me. I hope that everyone will respect their privacy and not make them a part of whatever macabre spectacle the media comes up with. 

    Tell those you love how special they are and how much they matter to you, because you never know when Mortality will show up. 

Friends

     I don’t have tons of friends, but the friends I do have are some of the most important people in my life.

     I’ve never been a person who thought that the number of friends was important, instead I always focused on the quality of the friendships and the feelings of closeness that existed. This put me at odds with so many others because I want a deep connection with my friends, else they are nothing more than acquaintances. 

     My feelings and my outlook on friends places me squarely at odds with the vast majority of people. In the Facebook age, friends are nothing more than statistics waiting to be counted. Apparently the number far outweighs the quality, and the person with the most friends is the “winner”, whatever that means. 

     At this point in my life, I can count the number of real friends that I have on one hand. While this might sound sad, I know that those friends and myself would do anything for each other without hesitation. Those are the friends I believe in, and the friends tea worth having. 

Hurting Others??

The next topic in my journaling adventure asks if I have ever hurt someone else in order to feel better about myself. I honestly don’t think I have ever knowingly hurt anyone else to make myself feel better, that is one of the most reprehensible things that I can think of. 

I have said hurtful things in response to something that was said to me, but I read the question as meaning that I would hurt others to cover up some shortcomings that I have. I cannot imagine treating another person like that under any conditions.

My life has been difficult at times. I have been the object of other peoples’ scorn so that they would supposedly feel better about themselves. It is a terrible feeling but there is nothing productive that can be done about it because anyone who would treat another person that way is defective and not worth the effort to engage them to try and correct them.

I always try to encourage people if I see that they are down. I offer to help, but I know when to walk away. I make my mistakes, but I accept responsibility for them and would never try to blame others for something that was my fault.

Treat each other with kindness and respect.

Letting Go

The latest prompt from my blogging journey is “What is something that I need to let go of? What is weighing me down? How can I make peace with these ghosts from my past? That seems like quite a deep subject to delve into, but I will try.

It took me awhile to dig deep enough to understand and answer these questions. As we grow older, we tend to hold onto things and beliefs that we feel have worked for us through the years. We seldom take the time to explore how well these things and beliefs actually serve us. Alternatives are rarely explored, and we stagnate. 

     After deep thought, I realized that I have to let go of my resentment towards my extended family. The background would take far too long to explain but I’ll just say that since my parents are dead I have almost zero contacts in the world in terms of family. Hal and The Stooges are the center of my life. My birthday was recently, but no one in my extended family called or emailed or sent a card. I used to send cards and make calls to almost all of my cousins on their birthdays, but eventually I stopped because there was no gratitude or appreciation or love shown. The family bonds have been broken for too long to ever worry about repairing now. Whatever the reason they see for the gulf between us, I can’t spend anymore time nor effort to bridge that gap. It is time to move on.